


Per aspera ad astra

by daisy_lady



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Han Solo (Mentioned) - Freeform, Luke Skywalker (Mentioned) - Freeform, Mind Manipulation, Suffering, already a bit of romance, brain washing, tragic choices
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-09 16:01:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 32,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5546396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daisy_lady/pseuds/daisy_lady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Following events are taking place AFTER what happened during film.</p><p>What can happen if the First Order catch General Organa right's hand and advisor? Absolutely nothing good.</p><p>~*~<br/>Due to my studies I can't update story as often as I planned to. Unfortunately the newest update will be at <b>April/May</b>, I'll do my best to publish two chapters, shortly one after other. Thank you for your patience ;)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Shepards were walking through the endless meadows with their's sherds. Sea of green, refreshing grass was surrounding animals, which virgously were eating it making pleased noises. Shepards were chattering between and loudly laughing while pointing at one of few trees growing on a mild acclivity, nearby the pasture. Of course among young and vivacious boys stupid ideas comes awfully quickly and soon they made a bet that one of them, exactly the smallest one named Dei, will climb onto that tree and shout name of his first love Ha'kil, to delight of his company. As it was said, he went to do so, Dei couldn't afford to loose his good name among his friends. Jauntily he marched towards the tree and not long after he was climbing it with closed eyes as he was afraid of hights. Sitting on the highest branch of the tree, he loudly shouted Ha'kil's name, accompanied by his friends laugh, and was about to go down but something else, not so far from him got his particular attention.

A spaceship, the one he had never seen before. It seemed to be black but he wasn't sure due to the sunrays reflecting on the smooth surface of machine. Amazingly, the spaceship with two charactersitically raised wings, landed on the meadow and three people came out. Two of them were wearing white uniforms and one was suited all in black. As Dei looked closer, he saw that from the ship really got out four people, one of them was carried by a character dressed in black. He laid down that probably superflous person and soon after that the spaceship took off and quickly disappeared. 

With such news, Dei nearly jumped down from the tree with excited look on his face and shared with his shepard friends about his finding. After a short deliberation they all agreed that one of them would stay with the herds so the rest would run to see what strangers left behind. Dei, as a discoverer had a priority to go and see what he found, so also he appointed one of his colleauges to guard stocks and the rest raced to the mystery left-behind person. But as soon as they reached their finish line all of sudden, they lost their bravery and innate curiosity, and in silence they stood around person hid under black fabric.

As the person moved slightly boys scattered a bit surprised and disorientated, nudging each other, who would take the material and reveal what's underneath. Once again Dei gathered all courage felt in his ten-year-old body and came closer to the lying figure and with short, sharp move he removes the material.

You gasped surprised by the sunrays and covered your eyes with hand. Slowly you got used to brightness and you lightly smiled. Hearing quiet whispers, you looked around trying to locate its source.

"Water" you asked and you were given. Cold and sweet water soothened your swollen throat. "Thank you. Where am I? What planet?"

"It's D'Yoi, Ileenium system..." Dei answered, proud of himself. 

You sigh deeply, wincing immediately when you felt pain in yourchest. Broken ribs won't give you any spare moment nor your bruised body or strained vocal cords from shouting or eyes swollen from tears. Every single breath was causing you incredible pain and you soon realised not only your ribs were broken but also right hand, which you tried to move.

You looked direclty at the boy, you were speaking with and by polite smile you recalled him closer to whisper moments before faiting, "I must contact Poe Dameron.... On D'Qar... Please."

  
*** 

X-Wing was truely a graceful machine in proper hands. It's soaring evolution may caused vertigo in some people and in others spasmodic shouts but in a hand of a great pilot it wasn't a just flight it was a masterpiece. Clever dodges, fast turns and breathtaking stunts were characteristic signature for one pilot. The best pilot of his generation, the best Resistance pilot - Poe Dameron.

He gracefully landed on helipad, unaware of happening fuss. His mind was occupied by taking his beloved one as a hostage by the First Order and not even BB-8 was able to get him out of his gloomy reverie. It has been five months, twenty-five days and eighteen hours since he had spoken with her and insecurity about her fate was constantly killing him. He tried to speak with General Organa, as she was her adviser, to try and rescue her but he met a wall. Despite she was a very valuable and well-liked person, no one rushed to help, everyone busy with securing the plan of quick evacuation in case she would had told everything to sinister Kylo Ren and the First Order.

Poe accidentaly walked into a passing pilot and apologised him with sad smile. Everybody knew the reason why Dameron's flights were not as great as it used to be. Why that always smiling and enjoying his life pilot was all of sudden tragicly riven between duty to the Resistance and his love.

"Poe! Dameron!" he looked up and saw one of his friends rushing towards him with extremely enthusiastic expression. "She's here! They brought her here few moments ago! Come on!"

Dameron didn't understand at first but those magical words _"she's here"_ made his heart came all the way up to the throat. He immediately ran after the pilot to the enormous hangar and from there, through cantine and small barter to the hospital, where was gathered quite sizeable crowd around one bed occupied by unconscious woman.

"Y/N?" Poe pushed his way between people to reach the bed, terrified by what he could see in a moment. But as close he was to the bed, his joy commensurate rose. 

"Y/N!" he said reliefed as he got to your bed, sitting on its edge. It was truely one of the most beautiful views in his life. Seeing you on Q'Dar, near him brought his life back. Poe gently grabbed your hand and stroked it tenderly, patiently awaiting your awakening, which has occured a while later.

"Poe..." you opened your eyes slowly, still not used to the bright light. "I'm so happy to see you," you gave him the sweetest smile and gladly accepted his kiss.

"I love you. I'm glad you're back troublemaker," he whispered emotional, kissing you again, this time firmly.

"Y/N, it's a great pleasure to see you again among us."

"General Organa," you nodded at her with dignity. "It's good to see you too, General."

You frowned slightly when you felt Poe's hands tightening on your hand, his eyes focused only on you. It was obvious there was a massive tension between General and the best pilot but you did not want to go into it now, especially sorrounded by people.

"I'm aware that kidnapping and torture must have heavily strained your physical and mental health..."

"She need rest, General with all the respect," you gave Poe a warning gaze.

"... But we must know what have you told," General finished without a blink of an eye when eager pilot interrupted her. 

You tighten your grasp on Poe's hand, trying to calm him down and assure that everything was all right.

"I'd to that with pleasure but you see General there's a small problem..." you waited for a moment, gathering your thoughts. After nearly six months of absence that won't be easy to communicate any of them, General nor Poe but that was the truth. You looked at Leia then at your beloved one and you continued in absolute silence, "I'd tell you if only I could remember what have happened. Those six months are wiped out from my memory."


	2. I'll save you as you saved me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit cheesy but the upcoming events... I am so sorry I truly am.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I'm amazed by how many people already read the first chapter of my fic. I'm truly honoured and thank you very much my lovelies.

The morning after your grand entrance was probably one of the worst mornings in your life. The dosage of painkillers you received was not enough and slowly pain welcomed you again with arms wide opened. You clenched fist trying to remain silent but those six broken ribs were killing you. Luckily most of the inhabitants of the base welcomed you yesterday's evening and for now only one person was next to you, sleeping exhausted still in his pilot's uniform.

Gentle smile appeared on your lips as you looked at Poe, sleeping in chair. Even though you didn't remember a thing from past six months, you were sure of one - you missed this damn good pilot like a hell. His joyful laugh, when he was telling you jokes, his dark eyes in which, you could swore, it's possible to see whole galaxy, his gentle touch or reassuring words helping you to fall asleep. You didn't really know who you should thank for such wonderful and carrying man, who fell in love with you.

You thought of one small element you were carrying for nearly a year and a bit panicked you searched for a ring. Usually hanging on thin chain around your neck, now it was gone. You looked around the room for it but it was impossible to find such small object from bed.

"Looking for this?" your eyes rested on the golden ring, gently swinging on a chain held by Poe. "I took if off while you were sleeping. Nothing wrong happen to it."

He got up and came closer to you with big, self-satisfied grin and kissed you tenderly, handing back the ring.

"How are you feeling?" Poe briefly examined your facial expression to see any symptoms of pain.

"It's all right, I guess. It's hard to breath with this around me..." you showed him elastic bandages, tightly tied around your chest. "But they didn't gave me enough painkillers..."

"I know, General told so. She wants to ask you few questions as soon as possible and she and her advisors believe that on big dosage of those you won't give them satisfying answers..." he knew it won't be just a few questions, more like interrogation but he avoided using this word, knowing that may bring unpleasant memories.

You stopped yourself from deep sigh of annoyance due to your broken ribs but you couldn't help yourself to not give him a bit annoyed look.

"How do I look?" you asked out of the blue. You felt swollen lips and a dull ache in and around the cheekbone but you hadn't had a chance to see your face for six months to check what was wrong with it.

"It's not that bad, Y/N... You have bruises around lower lip and under left eye and small cuts on your nose and over left eyebrow and that's all. You do now look like a real troublemaker," you patted his arm slightly and smiled.

"So it's not that bad... Can you help me with these?" you asked, pointing to the ring, which you clutched tightly in your healthy hand. Without a word, he nodded and hung this uncommon adornment on your neck. "This kept me alive for such long time..." You met his piercing gaze and rapidly, despite the pain you kissed him passionately.

You didn't need to wait long for his reaction, as he give back your his right away with quiet sigh. He took you in his arms so hard that in the end you felt safe and gentle enough not to cause you more pain.

"I've missed you Y/N. Every day was a torture after your kidnapping," you gently stroked his hair, feeling how tears of happiness and relief streaming down your cheeks. "I'd die if I lose you."

"So would I, Poe," you rubbed your nose for a nose and kissed him one more time. "I'd like to go out of there. I don't like hospitals."

"I'll see what can be done," he kissed top of your head and left you alone in the room.

You were smiling while thinking about him but as soon as he was gone your heart trembled as if you weren't going to see Poe again. The pain became unbearable not only the physical but also mental. Darkened room suddenly filled with ominous shadows and disturbing sounds that made you shiver. Deep inside you knew it wasn't for real but the overwhelming feeling of helplessness and loneliness supplanted common sense and you started to shake like a leaf in the wind. Pined down to hospital bed supposedly safe, now reminding you of the metal frame in which you were imprisoned, you wanted to scream. Prison of your own mind and imagination you tried to run away by mumbling Poe's name again and again as a protective mantra.

"It won't help you..." you jumped surprised by proximity of so well known to you voice. For almost six months, this voice made you wanted to die. "And you know it, Y/N..."

You closed your eyes telling yourself that what you do not see can not be true. That what you can not feel is not present but, as in spite of it you felt someone strongly grabbed your arm and pulled you closer.

"It's not true, it's not true. You can't be here!" you cried out, feeling the terror begins to take in the reign of your body.

"Open your eyes and face me..." it sounded so invitingly and charming, you couldn't believe your ears. You shook your head in denial and you could heard his dissatisfied cluck. "Open your eyes, you Resistance piece of scum and say it again right into my face! Say it! ThaT I'M NOT HERE AND IT'S JUST A BAD DREAM!!"

Every word uttered with greater emphasis and growing, almost buzzing in rage and hatred. You froze in complete shock, you wouldn't open your eyes but you felt you were too weak to fight with him. He made you open the eyes and face the truth.

Kylo Ren was here, tightly holding your arm with madness growing up in him and you couldn't do anything to stop him. Your broken mind felt numb as his poisonous thoughts and powers sized it.

"You're not real..." you whispered weakly, trying to protect yourself from his impact.

"Are you sure Y/N?"  
"No..." you felt tears were filling your eyes again. "I'll never be sure..."

This satisfied smile on his beautiful face, now marred by a scar across it, made you desperately gasp for more air as you had known to well what follows that expression.

"Don't please... Don't do that... Please don't..." your legs shivered as Kylo used his powers to cause you mental pain.

Your mind burning in bright flames of pain was sending contradictory signals to your body causing you even more soreness in your limbs. You were writhing in endless agony to his delight, begging for an end.

"Your begging is like an invitation for me," even though your mind was screaming his portentous whisper calmed you down or maybe it was thought about the inevitable, that there was no escape from Ren. "Exactly... And once you accept the truth, you will be free."

His voice, all of the sinister surrounding vanished moments before Poe's return. He saw you standing on the floor barefoot with pale and terrified face, barely living. His joyful mood left him at once.

"Y/N? It's me Poe, you're at the hospital on Q'Dar. Do you remember that?" he quickly came closer to you and sat you down on the bed. How stupid of him, that he left you alone. It was he none other who should best know that the hearings of the First Order leave a blemish on the mind from which it is not easy to break free.

"Poe..." you looked at him, eyes red-rimmed from tears. "I need help. He won't leave me so easily - "

"Shhh... I know that sweetheart, I know," the best pilot in the universe, gave you the biggest and warmest hug you could ever dreamt of. "Everything is going to be all right but you need to trust me."

"I always trust you, Poy-boy. With all my life," you looked surprised at a small lamp he gave you.

"Light, you should never be in darkness alone at least in the beginning," he answered the question written in your eyes. "And BB-8 will stay with you so you'll never be alone even if I'm away, all right?"

"Thank you," you whispered breathlessly and kissed him briefly.

"I'm your man, it's my sweet duty to help you with anything, my dear," Poe kissed you back, slightly smiling. "If you excuse me, I must go speak with General and few other doctors. Will you be all right with that? I'll be literally next door."

"Yes, I'll be fine - hello BB-8," you greeted droid and it answered you with equally happy beeping. "I have my little guard with me so you can go."

"All right, I'll be any minute back. BB keep an eye on her," roundy charmer beeped back as it reported to the duty.

You and Poe exchanged one more kiss before his leaving and you stayed at your hospital room with warm feeling in your stomach and clear mind.

*** 

"I can't agree on losing another planet! Especially this one. Without it our transportation of food and medicaments will be restricted and we don't have that luxury. We'll send two X-Wing squadrons for help with aid and supplies," General Organa as usual was arguing with her envoys transmissions. "Thank you, we'll wait for your confirmation of readiness. Organa out."

She ended the conversation with sigh of relief. Last few months were absolutely endless mess and it seemed like it won't end so quickly.

"Ma'am, we must discuss case of Y/N and her questioning..."

"What is it?"

"Poe Dameron, ma'am. He came minutes ago and he demands seeing you. He's accompanied by two of our best doctors and ... – "

"All right, thank you. Let them to the conference room with others and we'll discuss," General gave young communication officer tired smile and directed her steps to a secluded room where in private more important decisions were taken.

Everyone was waiting for her impatiently.

"Please sit down, we have few things to discuss and the sooner we begin the sooner we can go back to our duty," Leia sat down in the main chair on the top of the table. During those meetings she always felt the most alone person in the Universe, especially now without Han and his sometimes inappropriative and unnecessary inputs.

"As Y/N miraculously had returned we should focus on a big mystery how she escaped from the First Order and what's more important it's crucial to know what she told."

"That's true but is it really that important? We survived the attack and we still need to change our base because Order know where it's placed. As far as I'm concerned, it's not that important to question Y/N. She needs a break to regain her mental and physical strength."

"That's ridiculous! Changing the base is one thing but if they know our strategically planets, systems and military power we are finished! Order will know where to strike and with what power to limit it's loses."

Poe was sitting in absolute silence directly across the table so he had exquisite vision at General Organa, who also didn't take part in the discussion. Their eyes met for a second. The eager gaze of the pilot and tired one of an elderly lady.

"What do you say Poe? What should be done?" she asked him, feeling guilty for not listening him earlier.

"It's absolutely too early to question her in any way. I was held and interrogated for few days and that was hell. I can only imagine what they did to Y/N during those **six months** ," he answered after a while of silence.

"Then when if not now?" Poe looked at one of the counsellors with pity. _So eager to play with somebody's health_ , he thought with disgust.

"I also believe that she needs to rest, especially when she doesn't remember anything from that time. She won't be very useful," Dameron wanted to thank lady with buns but stopped after hearing how objectifying her words were.

"Excuse me, she's not a thing to argue about. It's important for her to regain her memories back but you can't treat her like a problem to be solved or a broken piece of data. She's a human being, for sake!" he said upset. "Today I witnessed her panic attack today. She can't be left alone or in darkness because her mind will follow imaginary visions placed there by Kylo Ren."

"Poe I understand you're irate but we also want the best for Y/N," General started carefully. "I share your opinion she should be left alone for a while until she'll restore her stability. From this moment until her recovery she'll be training new pilots. Is that satisfying you? She'll be under your protection and you'll be responsible for her recovery at your quarters of course with medical help."

"Thank you General. I'll do my best to help her and because of that I'm asking for three days break, for now and then I'll return to my duty," his eyes were extraordinary shining in green light.

"You have it and after that you'll take part in reduced number of missions. Y/N is your priority for now," Leia smiled to him across the table. It was nice view to see somebody so much in love, during those uncertain times.

"Yes ma'am," he agreed finally satisfied, which pleased Leia to make at least one person in the room happy.

"As to how she escaped. I do believe the best way to learn something about it, would be to ask more questions those farmers who informed us about her from D'Yoi," General added after a while. "And I'd like you, Areen to take care of this..."

Poe stopped listening to the gathered people, satisfied with what he got. He needn’t brought here doctors to argue with General Organa, he was prepared for such solution. Her sudden change of mind was actually a pleasant surprise to him and despite three days off, he would go and fight in his beloved X-Wing to show how big his gratitude was at the moment.

With unobtrusive nod, he farewell General and went out of the room. Poe wasn’t especially a man of strategic planning, he was a man of the action. Any time he was ready to start his machine and go fight with First Order, especially now when you were safely back home.

He rushed to the hospital to take you to your shared quarters. Because of the delay and other things he had to do, he was worried your panic attack may had occurred again but to his astonishment and relief he met you with BB-8 out, walking around his X-Wing. At this moment he wasn’t in hurry at all, it was giving him pleasant vibes to see you and BB-8 waiting for him and admiring his machine. This sense of serenity, which filled him was so pleasing and relaxing, he wished it would stay for longer. Everything was in perfect order, on its right place and it gave Poe so much joy he wanted to jump.

Even the sunset fit in splendidly. The reddish colour of the sky was giving its own charm to the scenery he just witnessed.

"Really? And you carried that map all around from Jakku?" he heard as he came closer to them. BB beeped in respond, enjoying his little moment of fame. "That’s incredible! For such small robot to do such great things." Poe could have swore that right now BB-8 would be blushing and it beeped proudly.

"It’s all settled down Y/N. You’re now officially bounded with me for three days and after that I’ll be taking care of you with every day medical examination. Are you happy?"

"Happy? Those are really good news as I don’t like hospitals at all," you clapped your hand gaily and came to him. "I don’t have anything with me so we can go right away..." you added quickly and wrapped your healthy arm around his waist. In response he hugged you lightly.

"All right than we can go. BB-8 come on!"

The way to your quarters was a bit strange for you because you remembered it but not exactly as it truly was. You turned left after greenish hangar, but your memory was whispering something entirely different. It made you feel unease, you felt like a stranger in this familiar place and even people walking next to you with greetings weren’t making it any better because some of them were new for you.

"It isn’t written anywhere that this mind washing didn’t wipe out your earlier memories, Y/N. Don’t worry about it," Poe calmed you, as you shared your unhappy revelations in your quarters. "If you don’t remember something just tell me, ok? I had similar problem to yours as you recall, I hope."

"Yes, you were constantly messing up with names and places..." you said smiling widely because you remembered something at last. "Bathroom is on left, right? And our bedroom opposite to it."

"Yes, exactly. You first need to find out what you’d forgotten about your life then we can talk about past six months. Nothing to hurry about. I’m sure you want to refresh and sleep a little bit more..." you nodded in agreement and were about to go to the bathroom...

"Can you help me with bandages? I can’t take it off by myself," you tucked your shirt and revealed the bandages.

It took a while before Poe found the beginning of one and slowly almost reverently he began to untie the bandages one after another, together seven of them. You tried to put down the shirt as soon as he finished but he stopped you so he could take better look at your bruised back, torso and stomach. You slowly breathed trying not to stretched it too much. In absolute silence and his terror, Poe examined all of your wounds those fresh ones and those older. It struck him how patient and calm you were. Since the morning he hadn’t heard a word of complain from you. He admired your bravery speechlessly.

"Thank you Poe," you said shyly, weaned from his gaze and attention he was giving you. "I’ll go to the bathroom now..." you stated the obvious, rolling down your shirt.

With embarrassed smile you slowly moved to the bathroom, watching out for tender ribs. Automatically you took of large towel from locker and hanged it on a hook next to the shower. You got rid of the clothes you were wearing and you stepped into the shower. Warm water relaxed your strained nerves and muscles, allowing you to finally feel relaxed after all this time. You were standing under the hot stream for a while slowly breathing in and out, thinking about nothing.

When you felt all the dirt and grime flowed away you walked out of the shower and you wrapped tightly with a towel. Still embarrassed you left the bathroom and looked to the right if Poe was around entrance or small but convenient living room, but place was absolutely quiet. With strange sense of ambiguous relief you went straight to the bedroom. You noticed your seven bandages rolled and placed on the bed so you could easily find them.

You struggled at finding your clothes so you borrowed Poe’s shirt and some of his sleeping trousers. A slightly too loose clothes didn’t restrict your movements. You made few turnovers and after the last one you noticed Poe at the entrance with smile on his face.

"It’s good to have you back," you blushed at his words and loving glance. "Oh shit, I’m sorry. I constantly put you in embarrassment but I can’t help myself Y/N."

"Yeah I can totally see that, Poy-boy... I took your clothes. I’m not sure where I keep mine..." you looked at pointed direction and saw additional wardrobe. "That explains a lot, I must say."

Your gaze rested for a while on the man of your life and you noticed that he was only in a towel wrapped around his hips. You bit your lower lip while looking at his fine and muscular torso. Of course he caught your look and laughed loudly at it as he was changing into something more comfortable to sleep.

"That you can call a distraction," you added after a while. "You look more ripped than I remembered or maybe you were doing some extra exercises?"

"Anything to receive that gaze from you."

"Now you’re confusing me, Poy," you clucked and changed his trousers to yours underwear. You decided to stay in his shirt. "Again I need your assistance with the bandages, can you?"

Without further asking he was standing next to you waiting as you took off shirt to start bandaging your bruised body. His cool hand were giving you pleasant relief.

"I’ll kill this bastard who did this to you..." he hissed to himself through clenched teeth.

"It’s not worth it Poe and I don’t want anything happen to you,” you turned around to help him with bandaging.

"Mhmm..." he murmured, not convinced by your talking and focused on finishing his task. "Now it’s done, my love and we can go sleep. Hey, hey don’t worry I’ll be with you all the time," he assured you with delicate kiss on the top of your nose.

"Thank you, my very best pilot," you laughed lightly and allowed him to lead you to the bed.

Poe carefully tucked you with thin quilt and laid down next to you, taking you into his arms. You shivered uncertain if your nightmares won’t come back as soon as the light was out but it didn’t. Even though the light were out on ceiling above your heads you saw small points to the illusion resembling a starry sky.

"It was made by one of the most intelligent and smart and beautiful and caring person I’ve ever known. That person thought that the sight of stars may help me to relax and even for a while to forget what I had been through. And it worked for me and I hope it’ll work also for you Y/N," Poe kissed you forehead and smiled to himself as he heard your pleased purring.

"Who was that person?" you asked sleepily, in fact knowing the answer but hearing it from his mouth was a pure pleasure.

"You, Y/N. You saved me and I’m going to save you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It went amazingly quickly to write another chapter. As th the names for the counselors/other generals I invented them because I couldn't find anywhere information about their names. If I find it I'll change it.
> 
> Also about Poe, I portrayed him as a person a little bit out of the "Great War Council" (as I call it) of Leia's advisors and generals so that's why he doesn't know their names. He knows them only from sight.
> 
> I hope you'll also enjoy this chapter. :)


	3. It's already working

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader still tries to remember anything from her six-month absence, while Poe is little cutie and does everything he can to make you feel better.

Cold. Impenetrable coldness was one of your first recalled memories. It was closely linked with one of your worst nightmares and the worst torture, where barely living you were standing before your way to freedom. The exit of base in which you had been held. So close, just to reach your hand and pull the lever towards you. So little to do. Your strained body screaming for usage of this escape. It is better to froze outside than to let this monster torture you again. Every inch of bruised skin, shivering hands and weakened legs begged you to do this.

Running away from you prison cell caused you more pain than you had thought of. Lost of the habit of walking, legs bent under you at every step, turning your run into its ironically caricatured version. Blood rapidly oozing down your face from wound on your head, made you dizzy but you knew if you stop too early, if you give it up, you'll end up cold in morgue and that wasn't your plan. 

Tripping over your own feet, you tried to run as far as possible but it didn't matter. It was irrelevant whether you ran a few feet or you were standing in front of the exit from the deadly trap, he would always found you breathless and bleeding. He would approached you and even fraternally, with a slightly irritated cluck, put his gloved hand on your shoulder, turning you around towards him. You wouldn't feel his disapointment, only increased enjoyment that you had tried it again and to general amusment, you had failed one more time. At that particular moment your awakened hope would epically smashed out about the indestructible barrier as figure of Kylo Ren. 

He caught your chin and by harsh and rapid movement Ren made you look direclty at his mask before he whispered intimidating, "You can run but you won't escape..." 

"Good morning, love," you looked at Poe disorientated. Moments ago you were facing Ren again and yet you were at bed with your beloved.

"Morning Poy-boy," you gladly accepted his kiss, fading away last memories of the nightmare.

"You had bad dream, didn't you? I had the same. I was seeing visions from my interrogations all the time," you nodded silently. "What was it about?"

"One of the way he tortured me, by making me believe that I somehow freed myself and I was running around the base looking for exit. He would always follow me, playing around with me like mouse and cat. Every single time he was giving me hope that I'll escape and every single time I'd run. At one moment I wasn't able to differ the visions and the reality. Maybe I tried to run but it was so similar to his torture that I might not saw that, thinking that, that was again his doings."

You spited out quickly, feeling a bit better after saying it aloud. That torturę was one of the worst. Living in constant sense of danger you had hope for escaping and he cruely had used it agains you. Each time you looked at the exit door, each time you could swore you felt slight cold air from it, each time the hope for escaping rose in you extremely, out of nowhere Ren would came and catch you merciless. 

"You know it'll fade away in some time. Don't be harsh on yourself because it's not your fault at all, Y/N," Poe was gently stroking your hair and kissed top of your head. "He'd show me the end of Rebellion, every single X-Wing crushed to pieces as well as its pilots, D'Qar burning down in First Order's fire and milions of dead people, men, women and even children, who standed on their path. And riddiculously it hadn't worked because I knew if I had gave up and told him everything, this would have happened and I couldn't allow for that. I believe he'd known this as well, he was just preparing me for something much worse..." he stopped, not quite sure if he should tell everything. 

Those were dark memories, he has been keeping away and when you had been taken, he almost believed they were coming true, just as Ren promised him. That was the most painful thing in his life, he allowed Ren to take over his mind again for few weeks and that made his life so much more miserable.

"After this," Poe decided to continue, "Ren was repeatably showing me what he'd do if I don't tell him anything. That he's going to torture you and eventually kill you because I was so devoted to the precious Resistance. He'd made you feel those undone deaths... But the way he showed it to me, like it was actually going to happen sooner or later. He was incredibly sure of this it still makes me shiver and when they told me that you'd been taken... Something died inside of me. Ren was winning and I couldn't do anything to stop him. I couldn't even deny it, the nightmare came true," he tightened his grasp around your waist. You knew, he was fighting his own demons, previously with your help, now he wanted to help you with yours.

"But I'm back in one piece..."

"Yes, yes you are and that's the most important thing now, Y/N," _But it also makes me wonder why and how_ , he thought, smiling to you. "Are you hungry?"

"No, I want to spend all day in bed," you murmured into his neck, laughing silently and then you kissed his jaw line. "Pretty please, Poy-boy..."

"How could I say no to such beauty," he looked at you charmingly. "But you must eat something and take your painkillers, sweetheart."

You nodded agreelingly and reluctantly you set him free from your arms. Carefully you sat on bed checking if your bandages were on right place. You also looked upon your arms and shoulders, covered with smaller and bigger bruises and scratches, and when your eyes rested on your left arm, you froze seeing new bruising at the place of... 

"Nonsense... Don't be ridiculous, Y/N. It's only your imagination..." You said to yourself, strongly convinced it was only a figment of your weary and overloaded mind.

"What's ridiculous?" Poe asked with his usual cheerful smile, carrying a tray with three eggs, a few croutons and glass of water to swallow the painkillers, which he proudly put in front of you.

"Nothing, my pilot. Have you eaten anything?" you asked, concerned about his well-being.

"Yes ma'am, I'll be fine," he said, and carefully climbed into bed not to knock off your tray. "It would be perfect Sunday morning if - "

"If what, Poe?" you asked cautiously, seeing his sly smile.

"If there was sound of little feet running on the floor," he finished and you coughed on your breakfast.

"My darling, we agreed on something nearly a year ago... And beside this, making love while having broken ribs will bring me more moans of pain than pleasure," you stated with cheeky smile, watching how his face changed from sly smile to surprised finishing with reddish shadow of abashment. You hold his hand for moment and shared tender kiss. "I want children as much as you do, but you know that I don't feel quite ready for them."

"I know, I know but you look so georgeus and I'm not that bad looking either and I just can't wait to see how our children would look like," Poe said with a charming enthusiasm then he made several kisses on your hand, his eyes absorbing light surprise on your face. You should be used to his unusual compliments long time ago but he would always amaze you with some new inventions of his.

"Sorry finish your food," he let your hand go and you gladly returned to eating, which didn't take you long time due to your ravenous hunger. When you finished you took your medicine and put the tray down on the floor.

"Thank you very much, Poy."

"The pleasure is all mine, sunflower. What do you want to do now?" his hand stroked your hair. 

"I'd stay at bed all day but maybe we'll cut it short a bit? Untill noon, we stay here doing nothing and talking. In afternoon I'll go see doctors and take another painkillers and we can go for a walk or something. What do you say?" you rose your eyes to see his handsome face.

"All right and we can meet with Finn if you like?"

"Sure! He's adorable person," you lively accepted his offer, getting more comfortable in his arms. "So tell me now, what General Organa decided to do with me?"

As Poe started to explaining what happened on yesterday's meeting you kept your eyes fixated on him, gladly listening to his words. More concentrating on Poe's voice than actual meaning of what he had said. You loved those moments when nobody hurried you and you two had time just for each other. It would never last long but those were the best memories you had; but the more you thought of them, the more hazy they were. You anxiously noticed that you can not recall all the details, once so well known. You moved tentatively, not wanting to worry him more, you said nothing about it. Disturbed by this, you decided not to follow the white rabbit, which temptingly invited you to go further and ascertain what else you didn't remember. One unplesant surprise per day was absolutely enough for you.

He didn't ask why your facial expression changed so rapidly from peaceful to disturbed and back to peaceful. Poe could imagine what you had been through, he got the foretaste of what happened to you. For now he had to be a buffer from the outside world and from your visions; to provide you as much tranquility as you needed to calm down your mind and cleanse it with treacherous tentacles of Ren's mind tricks. He tightened his arms around you, kissing your hair.

"Tell me what happened when I was gone," your slight smile encouraged him to resume his talking.

You were pleased to know that Resistance destroyed Starkiller, the greatest weapon of the First Order; but it also had consequences for all the resistance movement, the location of base had to be changed, quickly. You had been away for nearly six months and it didn't surprised you that General Organa and other counselors took immediate steps in this regard, and at this point one-quarter of all equipment, human resources and starships had already been moved to a new location and the next one-quarter was ready to move. Poe said that his squadron was responsible for the safety of the last transport, and to his joy everything went perfectly, and when he returned to Q'Dar even better news awaited him because you were back. 

Then he started to talking about Finn and Rey, to people you barely speaked with, but the more of them he said, the more you knew them. Rey was gone to search Luke Skywalker and presumably to become a Jedi one day. You adored her resourcefulness and chuckled when he enthusiastically talked about her pilotage abilities. He was always excited about somebody's skills especially when it comes to flying. About Finn, he would speak so kindly that you wanted to softly squeal; such precious baby son. You talked with him previously and he appeared to be an extraordinary person; you must be strong willed to leave First Order like that especially, when one is genetically designed solider. 

Your eyes closed listening to his soft voice, as Poe was talking about his X-Wing and its newest improvements. You shared his happines because long days ago, before being General Organa's advisor, you had been a pilot, a damn good pilot; but then this charming, skies prince came and took your first prize with his joyful smile. These days you would be rather loggerheads with him, than actual talking; in fact you hated him as much as he was enjoying that state of things, actually irritating you on purpose, just to see your pissed off face. You were young and foolish, you even didn't feel the terror of the First Order on your skin.

***

In the afternoon with some reluctantly you two slowly begun embrance up to leave. Poe was teasing you constantly and would laugh loudly every time you tried to give him a nudge in the side with poor results. You groaned in frustration when once again he gracefully got away from your hands, laughing like a madman. He gave it up only when you sat down with _"I'm going to cry"_ expression and started apologising you and kissing you around your face. After that, you had time and enough energy to finish dressing up and leaving your quarters about two hours later.

You directement your first steps to the hospital, where doctor thoroughly checked the condition of your ribs and internal organs, making sure there wasn't any bleeding. As soon as he finished it, he looked at your bruised arms, especially at the one constrained by a specialist rail. Completing examination, doctor stated that swelling of your bottom lip and black eye was smaller and hopefully by the end of the week it should be gone for good, at least from your lips. You got next dose of painkillers for the evening and the next morning and you were free to go.

Holding hand, accompanied by BB-8 cheerful beeping you took longer way to the cantine, by leaving hospital by its side entrance to go around buildings and when lagged a chance and there was no one except you, you would kiss passionately, aching for each other touch. 

"If only I didn't have broken ribs... The things I'd do to you..." you whispered between his kisses. Poe froze for a moment looking at you hungrily.

"Now, now... Be calm, it's relatively short time in comparison to my six months," he tenderly ran his thumb along your lips, noting the swelling. "But the things I want to do... Sweetness and pleasure itself..." he murmured, kissing you again, then his mouth went a trail of shorter kisses on your neck.

"Is that a threat or promise?" you asked tilting slightly your head back.

"Both, my troublemaker," Poe whispered to your throat and kissed you one last time. "We must go. I promised Finn we'll see with him."

"Right," you did his hair to it usual look and straightened his shirt. 

Poe grabbed your hand quickly and you two went back to the cantine, where Finn was already waiting for you.

"I was beginning to worry about you guys..." He looked at you accusingly. "Is that a hickey?" Finn pointed at your neck and suddenly Poe's attention to it became more clear. 

"It's probably one of the bruises Y/N is all covered in," Poe said at once with shit eating grin, while you were looking at him with disbelief.

"It's good to see you too Finn. Please no tight hugs. I have broken ribs..." you smiled at him and gladly received cautious hug from him. "I heard you took good care of Poe, while I was gone..." All three of you sat down at the table, gentlemen with local alcohol and you with kaf.

"Well I mean somebody had to take care of that child," you laughed, looking at Poe. "He'd go for you into the fire but as the Starkiller was destroyed we had no idea where would they be keeping you." 

Your smile became a bit more subdued but still grateful. You knew your pilot would fly across the galaxy to find you and you were happy that Finn stopped him from doing that. If Poe had been caught at the same time as you, Ren would have been more than glad to see you both on his mercy.

"And I'm really thankful for that."

"I'm not, I had few ideas where to start looking for you. There were some obvious locations of the First Orders facilities..." Poe wasn't happy at all that even if somebody wanted to help him, they would always tell him to wait. "But those days are over and we can think about the future..."

"Right, you don't remember what was happening, do you?" you nodded affirmatively at his question. "I heard some gossips about that. But like nothing-nothing? Or at least some sensations or feelings?"

"Today I had a nightmare about one of the interrogation technique, so it's not like I have a blank space. It's more like I had a massive firewall inhibitory all those memories but sometimes it happens, that it's leaking," you shrugged your arms, silently thanking for second dose of painkillers.

"It's not that bad. I heard stories about people who were so mentally destroyed, that they couldn't even remember their name..." 

"Thanks Finn, I feel already better knowing this," you looked at him bit terrified.

"Oh man, sorry. I don't even know if it's true..."

"Relax, she's messing around with you," Poe cut in, seeing your shit eating grin. "Anyway it wouldn't be surprising, if those stories were real."

You rested your head on his shoulder, with a smile listening to their conversation. Poe embraced you with his arm, running his fingers over your skin; it was so cosy you nearly fall asleep and just there between the reality and the dream you remembered. Your first few interrogations weren't conducted by Ren himself, there was someone else. One of his Knights and he wasn't particularly successful in extracting information from you, as you recalled. And you knew it, he was too weak to break your spirit, even though he tried to electrocute you with no visible effects. You smiled to yourself because no matter how painful your tortures were, you would had been a little shit, making fun of his inefficiency. 

"...wedding?" you came back from your memories, looking disorientated at Finn.

In fact they were also staring at you, Poe and Finn. One with curiosity, one slightly shocked as you said nothing

"What about your wedding?" Finn repeated his question and your mind began to proces information.

"Right... I can't recall the first arrangements but probably because of my abduction and relocation, it was postponed, yes?" You looked hopefully at Poe and he nodded, to you relief. "So maybe we should do something like that. Your birthday, Poe we'll celebrate on D'Qar and our wedding can be organised after the last transport to the new location? Symbolic and literal start of our new life togehter. What would you say?"

"That's great! Y/N that's great idea!" Finn shouted excitated and you laughed.

"What more can I say, than he did? It's great idea", he leaned over and kissed you.

"Guys please get a room..."

"Finn, I bet you knew the danger of meeting us together after such long period of separation," you said slyly, breaking the kiss. You and Poe chuckled seeing Finn's expression.

"All right, all right. Besides more and more people are coming so you know, no public shows," Poe kissed top of your head and start talking with Finn about newest types of laser cannons, topic which you compeletly didn't understand.

As the cantine was getting more and more crowded, you knew all X-Wing squadrons have been back. Some of the pilots were coming to you, speak with Poe and Finn briefly, wish you healt and be gone. At this particular moment you felt back home for good. Everyone was busy with their buisnesses, loudly talking, laughing and making stupid jokes. That was your true family, you could always count for.

You looked at Poe and Finn feeling good as ever; not listened to them for a moment but seeing how they get along and laugh, filled you with hope for better days . Poe looked at you and squeezed stronger your hand as the equivalent of a hug and smiled broadly to you, making your heart beat faster. The love for this man was everything that really mattered for you. His presence and increased attention for you, were making you happy as never. Delay of the wedding was slightly worrying you but knowing aproximate date was a good begin. You were so eager to marry this beautiful human being.

You relaxed and breathed in cool, evening air. _Everything will be just fine_ , you thought, looking around before returning to the conversation Poe and Finn have been having.

***

"General, we are receiving encrypted message," communication officer came closer to Hux, standing in front of window looking at the space. It always made him wonder how peaceful it was, how quiet.

The First Order had to hide its starfleet after spectacular loss of the Starkiller, it spreaded into smaller fractions and were occupying systems situated close to each other, patiently waiting in the starry silence for the right moment to attack.

"From where?" He looked over his arm.

"The signal is not direct. It jumps over few planets and systems and we can't locate its source, sir -" officer took few steps back as Hux stormed out from his place to the control panel.

"The closest planet you identified?"

"It's Yok'ai Moon, sir in Polyin system. We've been watching it from the first moment we received the signal but it leads us nowhere," Hux looked stern at the monitors, frowning.

"Call Ren," he said after a while of intensed studying of message trail. 

Hux had his own suspicions about it but since the Supreme Leader and Ren hadn't introduced him to their plan, he was left alone with his conjectures and he absolutely hated it. After Starkiller was destroyed and Ren nearly killed by this unknown girl, Supreme Leader ousted General from some of his plans and he was extremely anxious about it, as he and Ren had had constantly to prove their value in the eyes of the Leader. 

"What is it?" Ren's voice over his shoulder blurted his thoughts.

"Encrypted message from the vicinity of the Yok'ai Moon. Maybe you'll do something about it..." General said as he doubted it sincerely.

Kylo snorted softly with a sense of superiority, studying the signal for few minutes. It was repeated after a five seconds of silence and again and again. That was it. That was the message he have been waiting for. The self-satisfied smile appeared on his lips and he couldn't help it. Thankfully the mask hide it.

"The Resistants are chainging their headquarters. They're leaving D'Qar," he finally stated, looking through his mask at irritated Hux.

"When?"

"They've already started. Next transport is in few days. We must send two, maximum three groups of troopers to destroy it from the surface of the Yok'ai and made it look like an attack of residents. We can't afford any further loss," Ren said rather peacefully, with hearable smirk on his mouth.

"Don't be so pleased with yourself, Ren. It's not one hundred percent sure that it'll work..." Hux couldn't come up with better response, pissed by Ren's attitude towards him.

"It is already working," he looked at red headed man, sensing his growing fury. Ren smiled at this, it was truly a pleasure for him to drive Hux crazy. "General..." Kylo added shortly after with slightly mocking and ironic tone, and left Hux alone with his unhappy thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I previously wrote about oncoming events and I promise they'll happen but I couldn't resist a bit more of fluffy Poe and Reader ;)
> 
> Thanks for reading, feedback and comments are most appreciated :)


	4. They let you go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Partially end of fluffy and cheerful Poe as his squadron failed during important task. Reader still tries to remember anything as her illusions are becoming darker.

It was suposedly simple task to do. Escort the next transport of equipment to the new location with a stop at Yok'ai Moon, to take some spare parts for radiostation and communicators and come back on D'Qar, easy as that. But it wasn't.

The first part went pretty smoothly, the problems began when they headed the Yok'ai and no one responded on their call. As if the whole moon suddenly died in hostile silence and Poe knew that does not bode no good.

"Blue team, prepare to repulse the attack. Red team cover the transport. It doesn't look right."

Pilots responded affirmatively and lined up in battle formation as they were flying over heavily wooded area. Dameron hoped that his bad feelings won't do but as they flew in waist thick clouds, his misgivings only intensified.

"Blue team, read team get ready to retreat -" as he said this he noticed the first missile aimed towards them, followed closely by another, and after a while from clouds emerged baleful silhouette fighters. "Up, up, up! It's a trap!" he shouted over the intercom making a quick dodge. 

X-Wings answered with fire, desparately trying to cover the transporters as they were the main aim for the oponents. 

"Red-4, contact immediately with the commanders of transporters and tell them to go back into orbit and from there fly to the Location. We'll try to distract them for a while from you but be prepared for heavy shelling," leader of red team nodded to Poe from his cocpit and flew away to the transporters. "Blue team, we're the distraction, shoot everything you've got for those bastards," he stated and threw himself into the fray.

Sitting behind the controls of his fighter he was becoming almost a god of the skies. His instincts took over the top and Poe was using only it; his sixth sense never failed, and each subsequent shot down enemy ship, made him about it increasingly argued. 

In the first few minutes he shot down one enemy and assured another one with spectacular eruption of the hull. Squadron aligned on firing at enemy units, protecting escorts and transports. Several machines separated themselves by throwing up a retreating enemy, just to lure them back in front of watchfully waiting colleauges with their laser cannons. Precipitated few fighters do not constitute advantage for the X- Wings, as new fighters emerged from the clouds attacking fiercely.

Without doubt, situation was tragic. They were out numbered and through heavy clouds and mist, Poe saw how one of the transporters was falling down in fire. Not only the oponents but the wheather conditions were making this encounter even more dangerous, as it was easy miss the enemy and even worse hit the friend. They couldn't fight any longer, it would only bring them more harm than good.

"All units, retreat! Most of the transporters escaped, now it's our turn," Poe observed how X-Wings performed simultaneously recurrence.

"I've got two on my tail!" Dameron saw the single pilot, trying desparately to confuse two fighter jets chasing him.

"I'm onto it, Beta-Blue," he said and joined lonely X-Wing. "We must separate them, one to one is much easier, ready?" 

"Copy that, Alpha-Blue," and as soon as he reported readiness, they performed a sharp relapse in opposite directions to separate the fighters that followed, each for its target.

Poe was surprised how quickly the oponents reacted. He simply didn't expect it  
after what he heard from General; they were way better prepared and trained. He skillfully weaved and did recurrence, trying to confuse the enemy and to force him into a wrong decision. Expertly avoiding fired in his director missiles, Poe was somewhat ironically smiling. The other pilot was good but not as good as he. 

Dameron suddenly dived into the clouds, causing confusion in pursuing pilot who lost him for a moment. It was just enough for Poe to emerge from the white clouds behind enemy unit and without any problem shoot it down.

"Beta-Blue, do you copy?" he frowned slightly, when there was no answer for a while. "Beta-Blue, do you copy?"

"Aye, this is Beta-Blue. The enemy has been compromised but I got hit and it's not looking well Alpha," Poe looked at his left seeing black smoke coming from the Betas' rear.

"It's not that bad and our final destination is not that far. We can make it."

"My droid is down, Poe there's nothing more to be done. Ejection mechanism is jammed and landing is to risky..."

"Yan, don't give up -"

"I know it's fuel tank, it's matter of time when it blows up, Alfa," he intterupted Poe, with sad chuckle. "Could you tell my wife that I love her?"

"Everything, buddy," Poe kept a safe distance but did not leave a member of his squadron alone. "It'll be over soon. We'll see each other in short time, Yan..."

"It was a pleasure to fly with you, -" the last words were muffled by explosion, which threw a little off Poe's machine. 

Poe sat in sad silence in his cockpit, honouring fallen companion. Yans' wife gave a birth to their first child just few days ago, and that thought filled him with even more grief for that good pilot. 

"Alpha-Blue, do you copy?"

"Yes, one pilot... I've lost one pilot. How is it going with transportation?" he answered the calling.

"We have two pilots down and approximately half of the transporters are destroyed," Poe kept his curses for himself. "We're waiting in orbit for you Alpha."

"Copy that, I'm coming to you, over and out."

***

You were finishing you training lesson with new recruits when you felt something was terribly wrong. You couldn't tell what made you so anxious but it wasn't only about Poe and his delayed returning. No, it was something about his whole squadron.

"Ma'am, are you all right?" one of students came asked, as you stopped talking for a longer moment.

"Yes, yes I am. Where was I? Oh right, so as I was talking about working in group..." you stopped again, something was strongly bothering you. You sighed and looked at your students, dying to go. "All right, I think if we end today a bit earlier nothing will happen. Please be quiet while leaving."

The group of fifteen gladly accepted your offer and left the room almost immediately. You smiled to yourself, not long time ago you were such recruit eager to finish lesson and even more eager to fly in X-Wing. You grabbed your things and also left the classroom, happy that another lecture was successfully ended. Sun was already going down and you looked hopefully at the sky, that you will see returning X-Wings but it didn't happen. Even the longer absence of cheerfully BB-8 was making you sad but you knew Poe needed it more.

As the shadows were growing bigger you quickly walked to the hospital, for your everyday examination, to avoid being in darkness alone. Doctor Lyoke was as usual happy to see you and after short greeting she went straight to check-up. It's been week and a half and you were already feeling much better, probably because of Poe's help and constant admiration. 

"So everything is healing nicely and bruises are unnoticable. Your alleged violation of the wrist is simply strong overstrech and I do believe you can take that splint off," to your great happines, she took it of and you could finaly move your both hands.

"You've no idea, doctor how good it's to have my second hand back," you smiled happily.

"Every patient is saying exactly the same, how happy they're to have their limb back. As to your ribs, you had them broken in different time so some of them are pretty much fused but just to be sure don't do any rapid moves all right? The latest broken ribs will still need four weeks to completely grow together." you nodded. "I'll give you smaller dose of painkillers. You should give a litte break for your liver." As she said that, doctor handed you prescription and you left the cabinet with lighter heart, as everything was fine with you. 

You were walking back to the main court, when you heard the characteristic noise made only by X-Wing. You run outside just to saw like two squadrons flew over you toward the landing area. You instinctively ran the same direction, cursing inwardly at your broken ribs that have begun to hurt redoubled because of the effort. The worrying thing was that, not all X-Wings safely returned to the base. There were three or four less than it previously took off. You just hoped that Poe was back, safe and sound.

At once everyone close to the docks began to shout between themselves and ran with something that looked like first aid kit. That couldn't mean any good. You finally saw first pilot walking out of landing zone with fatigue and grief pointed on his face, and another one with similar expression. Every single one of them was exhausted and morouning. The very last of them was Poe with BB-8, walking slower than usual without smile with pained look. 

You ran towards him and nearly jumped on him. You hugged him tightly despite the pain. He handed grip as strong as yours and sighed, overwhelmed by recent events. You felt your shirt was getting wetter from his tears. You tenderly caressed Poe's dark hair and looked into his teary eyes.

"How many?" you asked softly, trying to wipe tears from his sad face.

"Three down..." Poe answered, breaking voice. He slightly kissed your forehead and let you go, smartening himself up. "Yan was dad for three days... I must go and speak with his wife."

"I can go with you, if you want," he squeezed your hand in answer. 

"Come with me now, I must see with General Organa and report everything." 

You nodded silently. At least that was the way you could somehow repay his unstopable help.

***

"General Hux, Supreme Leader Snoke demands your presence at the Holoroom."

"And Ren?" he asked, not amused.

"He's already there, sir," he snorted irritated. How was that even possible, he sometimes dreamed of strangling that nervy punk. 

General stormed out from the control room heading the Holoroom with plain face as usual. Only when he delivers his speeches, Hux was being seen emotional otherwise he would rather look extremely disappointed by everything that surrounds him. Always alerted and ready for anything, without any problem he would spot out even the smallest mistake. And that was him, great General of the First Order, intimidating in his silence and formidable in his sense of perfection. There was no place for mistakes around him, even so it would be immediately and mercilessly destroyed, with his cynical half-smile. 

But ironically in his perfect world, without errors one inexcusable mistake snucked its way right into it. That was his inspeakable horror and the worst nightmare, which happened because of Ren. General had no problem with blaming him for his failure. If he hadn't brought that girl to the station, it would have been still existing. In fact it wasn't Huxs' failure, it was Rens' and that drove him crazy because Ren got away with everything and the Supreme Leader blamed Hux entirely for that failure.

General stopped right in front of the door and cleared his thoughts before entering the room. It was quite spacious and dark place now occupied by enormous, blueish figure, which stopped talking with this arrival.

"General Hux, please join us," Snoke said quietly, his voice filling the room.

"You called for me. If only I knew earlier -" Hux came closer and stopped speaking as the Leader rose his hand with slight annoyance.

"I'd have informed you earlier, if I needed your presence but I had to explain few things with Kylo firstly," Supreme Leader turn his eyes on the Knight and back on Hux. "Now General, tell me how went the attack."

"With small loses at our side we destroyed more than a half of the transportation and took down at least three X-Wings," he reported, quite glad with the numbers. Of course it could have been bigger, if they have send few troops more. 

"Patience, General. Patience is a key to our victory. If we rush, we will undoubtedly fail, remember what happened to the Starkiller?" Snoke asked softly with hearable mockery in his voice.

Hux clenched his jaw and said nothing. It wasn't his fault that Ren brought that damn girl and out of the moon, Resistance decided to come to the rescue.

"What we need now, is to make resistants wonder. Why would they attack and for what purpose. Sow the seeds of uncertainty."

"We'll receive next message. The more Resistance will lose its soliders, the more we'll grow in power," Kylo said calmly with such conviction, that Hux felt shivers along the spine. 

"You doubt that General?" Snoke looked at Hux as if he wanted to see through his soul. "Or you are sceptical because you don't know everything about the plan?"

"I simply believe it's never a good solution to put everything on one card..." Hux carefully chose his words.

"We're not. Girl is only a half-measure - "

"Are you certain she will obey until the right time, Ren?" he snapped at the Jedi  
killer, with his hands clasped at the back.

"Her mind is too occupied with figuring out what happened during her abduction, that by the time she'll realise what was going on, it'll be too late to do anything," Supreme Leader said gently, hiding behind his tone and words high annoyance. "Carry on this plan and wait for the best moment and what's more important, don't be so obvious with you pathetic jealousy, you're embarrasing yourself, General," he added threathening and ended the transmission.

"Will you finally enlighten me about the plan?" Hux asked, mildly irritated.

"Follow my lead, General," Ren answered mildly amused by the whole situation and went back to the door, without checking if he actually followed him. "Her mind is like a bomb with delayed ignition." 

"Amazing, but how you're so certain that she won't fail, Ren?" 

"Because she doesn't realise it, General. She doesn't have the closest idea she's, for now, the biggest threat to the Resistance," he said, once again enjoying his little winning over Hux.

***

"It's crucial to redo our scheduals. This attack shows that we must send our transporters with greater protection," Areen argued with another advisor with different point of view.

"Well yes but if we send more squadrons to that task, there'll be not enough for other missions. We must thing widely," he interrupted her rudely. 

General Organa struggeled at listening to those argues but it showed one truth about resistance aviation - there were not enough machines and pilots. As the second thing could be relatively quickly solved, solution to the first problem, on the other hand was definitely more of an issue. 

"Please, for one second can we not be thinking about changing plans? I'd like to hear the word from Poe as he was the leader. And of course his opinion," General finally stepped into the conversation, making inviting move towards Dameron.

"We've lost three great pilots today during forced skirmish started by the inhabitants of the Yok'ai Moon. As was said at the briefing, we were suposed to get earlier organised spare parts for radiostations and seamlessly fly away. That didn't happen. We even hadn't had any chance to land for those parts," Poe said relatively calm but by his expression, you knew he was struggling with guilt. "I commanded retreat of the transport with Red team, Blue was supposed to cover. We were surrounded from all sides, out numbered..." you tightly squeezed his hand.

"Nobody is blaming you, Poe. It was a trap and you did your best -"

"But it wasn't enough! And as a leader I should have predicted, that could occur!" he interrupted harshly the advisor.

"Mr Dameron I do believe you did your best but facing overwhelming number enemy, one has to be reckoned with losses. And what you did it's nearly a miracle," General cut in sharply. "That is great lose for us, that four of our pilots lost their lives today and to honour them we should thing about other solutions to prevent such tragedy." Advisors and higher pilots nodded in agreement as well as Poe. 

"The first thing is to send other transports with bigger protection of three or even four squadrons but it'll significantly delay the schedual..." Areen stared, looking around.

"I'm afraid so but if there's no other option we must be aware of that," Kole, one of the pilots agreed with her.

"What about diversion?" you stepped into the conversation. "Why don't we send three transports at once, with the same protection but only one will be real. It's quite risky but chances for safe arrival are lager..." All of them suddenly looked at you with interest. The first advice you gave for six months. 

"It's worth trying out but we can't be sure if the next attack will happen..."

"It undoubtedly will, Areen. The pilots were way too qualified to be simple habitants of that moon," Poe said a little quieter. "I'm not one hundred percent sure but it might have been the First Order's pilots. Their maneuvers and tacticks were really similar..."

"Are you suggesting we have a mole among us?" General looked at her best pilot slightly shocked. If it was true, it would be devastating. For second her sight laid upon you with some worrying thought, but she quickly moved it away.

"I do not suggest anything. The fact is that we've been attacked and I highly doubt it was the native inhabitants of the Yok'ai Moon," he slowly said, seeing how great stir he introduced to the gathered. 

"As for now, we must slow down a little bit with next transportations. We should try out both techniques and see which will work better. If neither, we must think about another solution. Thank you, you're dismissed," General stated and thus she announced the end of the meeting. "Y/N, can we talk?" General Organa approached you. Poe winked to you and let your hand.

"Of course ma'am," you nodded and waited until room was empty. "What is it, General?"

"I'd like to know how are you and is there anything I can do for you," she took seat next to you.

"You're very generous but I don't need anything," you looked at the table slightly ashamed of General presence. Something what was so usual previously, now was making you slightly uncomfortable. "I'm all right, I guess. I still have problem with my memory. Actually it's bigger than I thought..."

"Why is it so?" for a moment Leia studied your face. "I'm sure, Poe is doing everything to make you feel right..."

"He's but it makes me unease because my memories about him, with him are so blurred that sometimes I wonder if they were real. I can't say that to him, I just can't. It would broke his heart."

"But you remember the engagement, your relationship with him, that's good start," she consoled you.

"Yes, still it's incredibly bothering thing for me," you sighed. "As it comes to my absence I remember few things but it's nothing helpful. Only techniques of my interrogation, clodness and sensation of fear but I don't believe I told them about the Resistance. Anyway they already knew the location of the base so I don't really understand why they would keep me for so long..."

"Neither do I, Y/N but it's good to have you back," you stared at General for longer moment and you could clearly saw, how she was uncertain about asking you something. "Do you remember anything about - ?"

The last words escaped your attention when, in the darkest corner of the room you spotted ominous form. You immediately knew who he was. Silently, Ren stood there watching you carefully with his own dark eyes. Without his mask, he didn't seem to be so dangerous and deadly. Ren steadily walked across the room with his lightsaber out and stopped right behind General Organa. 

She looked as she was unaware of the great danger she was in and you couldn't do anything due to being Force forced to sit in your place. Ren ignited his saber and in one smooth move he pierced it through the General. As she saw the red light of the weapon, Leia recognised her killer and with silent gasp of relief she died. Ren took out his saber and allowed the body to fall down on the floor as he sat down in the chair in front of you.

"You killed your own mother!" he looked at you with empty eyes as you gasped in truest horror.

"No, I killed the Resistance..." Ren turned his gaze on dead body on the floor, and you followed. "It must happen Y/N, if we want peace. Stronger will always win and thanks to you, First Order is closer to it."

You shivered as your eyes met and your ghastly vision disappeared but you were still looking at the same eyes, this time Generals'. 

"Y/N, is everything all right?" she asked concerned, holding your arm.

"Yes, yes I am now. Sorry for that, strange thought occured my mind, General."

"Another illusion?" you nodded, sighing. "What was is about?"

You pursed lips for a moment fighting with yourself if you really wanted to tell General what you have witnessed. Still hasistating you started speaking, "It was Ren. He was in that room watching our conversation and in the end he walked towards us and killed you with his saber, General." 

As you looked at Leia, she wasn't surprised. It was something that was occupying her mind for long time and the awareness that her own child was able to kill her made Leia feel even older.

"He wouldn't kill me, he'd kill the Resistance..." General said bitterly, letting your arm.

"Those're the exact words he used," you said surprised, silent about his further words, that the Resistance will collapse with your help.

"Do you need a breake or can we continue our conversation?" you looked at the General, slightly tired.

"I think break would be a good idea, General."

"All right. Please come tomorrow about the same hour, can you?"

"Yes, ma'am..." you shortly answered and thought about one more thing. "Could you, General keep me as far as it's possible from any important informations about the Resistance?"

"Yes, why?" Organa scanned you carefully with her startled eyes.

"I don't think, I menaged to escape from the First Order base..."

"No you didn't. They let you go, Y/N. Aleen reported me everything she found out on D'Yoi," you stopped breathing as your worst predictions were real. "And I'm glad you said that, Y/N. You'll remain at your current occupation but I'm more than anxious to welcome you back as my advisor," General gave you warm smile.

"Thank you ma'am. I should go to Poe and cheer him up a little bit."

"Of course Y/N, he's the first to be blaming himself for any failure," you smiled back to General and went out.

It was dark night and you shivered at sensation of cold air against your face. You looked around searching for Poe, but he was nowhere to find; only BB-8 admitted its presence by loud beep.

"Where is he roundy? Hmm?" you sighed listening to the droid. "I told him to wait for me... He's so pigheaded sometimes, you know?" BB beeped as it was deep sigh of understanding and you laughed slightly to it. "Come, we should go home and prepare some food for our unfortunate pilot."

You lightly smiled to BB and you went into darkness. Poe was that kind of person who care about everything and everyone. It was his curse sometimes, as he could moroun his fallen friends for days even weeks. You knew he souldn't be alone in this and that is why you were quite angry, when BB informed you that Poe went to Yan's widow to talk with her. He needed support but sometimes he was just to stubborn to admit it. 

When you left General you were feeling dizzy but refreshing night air helped you with that sensation. Once again you returned to the illusion, you have seen. Something was bothering you in it. You weren't exactly sure that the face you saw was truly Ren's. Maybe your battered mind told it to you, showing an easy solution and hiding terrifying truth under mask of his face. The more you had been thinking about it, the more you were sure that person you have seen wasn't Ren at all. The voice, the posture even the way of movements was somehow familiar but something was constantly slipping away. 

Your mind was giving you an answer to that question but you ignored it, you were to afraid to admit that it wasn't Kylo Ren, who killed General in your vision. His eyes changed as well as the face, hair colour everything, even the derisive half-smile was different. You were looking at yourself piercing the lightsaber through General Organa.

That scared you the most, that in the end it wasn't necessarily Kylo Ren who would kill the General, but you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks very much for comments, and here we go with next chapter. I hope you'll enjoy it ;)
> 
> I'd love to read what you think about this chapter.


	5. Journey into her mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It never occurred your mind that maybe the life you were living wasn’t truly yours. The darkness was offering you tempting vision of life without borders and it would be a sin to reject it although, something deep inside you warned you to not follow this path. Easy way to have complete life, never was the best way and you knew it. With obscure and painful scream you tear yourself out of the darkness and begin to run. You felt it in your bones, muscles in all your body. Running was imprinted in your soul. If you stop, you will be doomed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow wow it's finally here :)  
> I think that's the longest chapter I did (for now :>)  
> Enjoy my lovlies :D
> 
> P.S. Thank you very much for comments to the 4 Chapter, those really gives me live :)

When you came back from the darkness you were suspended in the air in a force field, without any possibility of escape. Metallic bracelets around your wrists and ankles were in fact your prison. You tried your best to remove even one of it, which would allow you to think harder about elopement but that was impossible, unless your interrogator would make that mistake and just for one hearing, he would let you go. Since your capture, he wouldn't maybe due to his pathetic tries of interrogating you.

You laughed silently to yourself, so the Stormtrooper won't hear it. That was ridiculous and you couldn't stop yourself. The Knight of Ren wanted the localization of the Resistance headquarters but then he changed his mind, like somehow they found out about localisation. You spited blood, looking directly at the Knight. It was strange that he preferred physical tortures than mental. It never bothered you why was that because you almost immediately assumed, that he wasn't proficient enough in it. 

"How big aviation do the Resistance have?" you nearly choked on your bloody saliva.

"What? Like you've found out where our base is?"

"In fact we had," your surprised look, made him smile ironically. "And First Order needs further information about the Resistance and you'll give them to me. Whether you like it or no," knight rose his eyebrow with visible joy.

 _That is going to be long day_ , you thought as he electrocuted you. And later each day, he would came and ask about various things concerning the Resistance; not quite care about your assurances that you are not important and do not know anything. Somehow the Knight of Ren had known that in fact you were a big fish and letting you go anywhere was out of the question.

When they captured you, you didn't see that coming. You were sensing something was awfully wrong, that is why you send encrypted message for the Resistance, hoping that they'll see everything what happened. Moments after that you were surrounded by Stormtroopers without escape way and they cuffed you and drag onto their ship. By the time you arrives at their base on unknown planet or maybe in stars, you had been severely beaten up as the first preparation to tour interrogation, some of the troopers enjoyed this far too much. They preferred heavy sticks, sometimes grapple but no matter how and with what they were attacking you, you absolutely did your best to protect yourself, even with tied hands. Bleeding from nose and few other cuts you would got up with cocky smile and wait for further blow stick, which would dislocated your shoulder or broke rib. They not caressed with you, inventing newer and newer anguish.

When the Knight of Ren finally arrived, you looked more like a bloodied piece of meat than human being. Bruises were covering every inch of your body, hurting you every time you moved. Rings of purple bruises and hematomas adorned your forearms in a place where you've been supported by one of the clones, so that the other could inflict more accurate punches in your torso and broken ribs. Each breath cost you stabbing chest pain and few curses under your nose. You would rather not to move legs due to tightly coated lumbar; you were simply afraid that those hits might had injured your spine. And that was how Stormtroopers presented you to the Knight of Ren, barely breathing, flying in that ridiculous prison and unconscious.

His part of interrogating you was at some ways pleasant change at the beginning, when he was checking strength of your mind. Even though your body was tautening in a helpless try to get him out of your mind, it was nothing in comparison to your previous experience. Somehow, the sensation of him getting inside your thoughts was gentle enough for you to relax at some moment. Knowing what happened to Poe, you were actually glad that Kylo Ren didn't take care of you personally. Ridiculously you had prepared yourself for such eventuality, being kidnapped, tortured and invigilated so you did your best to hide the most important memories and knowledge about the Resistance. So as the Knight of Ren was excruciating your strained mind, he wasn't finding any serviceable data, which was driving him crazy.

It was a great mistake of the Knight of Ren, that he was searching just for that one particular information. His own mind was way too much focused on getting where was the location of Resistance base, that he couldn’t see anything apart it, in your thoughts. If only had he stopped for a moment and looked around your mind for anything else, he would definitely find what he was looking for. Hiding it in a prominent place, in this case turned out to be the best solution and luckily for you the Knight didn’t seem to learn from his mistakes.

Unfortunately his interrogations got more intense as his mind power wasn't enough, he started to electrocute you and then weakened, he would penetrate your thoughts, restlessly searching for anything. Every single time, when your body was delivered electric shocks you had hoped that at least you would faint, at best lose consciousness and thus get a break from torturing. Even in the worst moments, when you were coughing bloodily, hardly breathing you would always be conscious. Feeling everything, seeing everything but your mind was never occurred by a death wish.

Then something happened, when you were at the very end of your strength, when your own mind was starting to beg you to give up everything, to be freed by death, the Knight of Ren stopped. As like he sensed you were very close to break and he stopped or someone had told him to do so. You gladly welcomed this peaceful few days without interrogations and electrocuting. What was even more intriguing, you were given proper medical aid and finally after countless sleepless nights, you finally fell asleep after big doze of painkillers, not worrying about what will bring the next day.

They left you alone in dark room without any occupation and that was worrying you. If they didn't need any other information, why would they keep you alive? Why would they make sure you won't die? Days were passing and your mind was occupied by those unanswered questions, which were driving you crazy. You couldn’t tell how long you were kept in here with no information or interest in you. Actually after some time you begin to wonder how to get out firstly from this room, secondly from the base. Easy as that seemed to be you begin to search for anything useful for your grand escape, unfortunately place was absolutely wiped out from any sharp objects. In fact there was only bed and blanket for you. It was impossible to use tray or cutlery because guarding Stormtrooper would take it away as soon as you finish your meal.

Your frustration grow even bigger as your stay at the cell was longer than you suspected. You deeply hoped for an opportunity to run, even in your hardest dream you were ready to escape from your prison, but it never happened. Few times you were taken for medical examination and then unknown officer would question you again but any surgical instruments were out of your reach. 

Maybe it was because of Poe’s escape with Finn’s help , that you were so carefully watched after and anything that could help you run was kept away from you. Every night you were thinking about him, hoping that he was all right and safe on the Resistance base. Even though the Knight of Ren planted a seed of uncertainty, you felt deep in your guts D’Qar was fine. It only made you stronger to fight with whatever the next day will bring.

  


***

  


You howled in pain as you hit ground, your ribs aching mercilessly. Two Stormtroopers got you up and carried away to another part of the base, you were held in. Despite the pain you were carefully observing how your surroundings were changing in eventuality of escape, so you would partially know the way. Steady gait of your guards made you relaxed for a moment, when you matched your heart beat to the sound of their heavy boots meeting the metallic floor.

Three of you stopped before particular door, which made you unease because it seemed to be additionally reinforced. You stood in silence when other solider was entering code on which, one pain of the doors went up and the other slide to the sides revealing empty room with sort of metallic bed with manacles.

You were forced to came into the room, sorely put onto that torture thing, as you presumed and left alone. You could only predict what will happen next, looking around completely devastated room. The floor was untouched but walls were bearing marks of strange weapon. It wasn't a blaster for sure, something more advanced and definitely more deathly.

In a moment when you decided to try to run away and freed yourself from restraining handcuffs, you heard characteristic whoosh of opening doors and you saw dark figure in it, watching you carefully.

"There is no need in trying to escape. Especially when you won't succeed in it," distorted voice calmly stated as he came into with his ominous aura.

You perfectly knew who he was, from stories whispered between the Resistance soldiers and from Poe. Your heart pounded in renewed anger to this man, as you remembered what he had done to your beloved, but you didn't show that on your face, as it stayed plain.

Your [Y/E/C] eyes vigilantly observing his dominant form when he stepped a little closer. You were perfectly aware, what he was capable of yet your breath and mind remain calm as you snorted, "At last, infamous Kylo Ren graced me with his presence. Your knight wasn't particularly good interrogator, you know..."

Ren stood in silence, observing you.

"I know you," he finally said with strangely pleased tone that got your attention. "I've seen you in memories of certain pilot," you slowly breathed in, as he came closer to metallic chair.

"I hope, you enjoyed the view," you answered him back sarcastically. "So now what? Are you going to question me? Or maybe torture?"

"You're as cheeky as he was before my interrogation. That's the most pleasurable kind of people to break," you were sure he was sinisterly smiling towards you. "Do you even know how long you are kept here? Probably not... So probably you don't know the latest news. D'Qar had been destroyed."

You froze for a moment unsure what to think about this. The first thought that came to you was that he was bluffing but on the other hand that would explain why the Knight didn't want to know anything about the localisation. Right, but why would he question you further if the main base was destroyed? It didn't make any sense to you.

"Don't strangle your mind too much with thinking. Yes, the First Order found out about the location and we successfully shattered it into pieces," his voice cracked slightly as if Ren was trying to cover up smile. "You don't have home, Y/N and I'm afraid your precious Poe is long time gone and you are stupidly stubborn and loyal to something that doesn - "

"LIAR!" You interrupted him rapidly only to his amusement. "I don't believe in any word you're saying!" you hissed at him.

"It always amazes me how faithfully every member of the Resistance is. And what is even more ridiculous, how you always beg for death," you breathed out loudly, angry with yourself for being so irresponsible. He was teasing you and by your reaction, it was readily to assume that you were easily to manoeuvre into exasperation. "True resistant of the Resistance..."

You rolled your eyes uncontrollable on his words. That was beginning to look like a parody of the interrogation.

"I must say your beloved pilot was very helpful with providing me necessary information," Ren ignored your anticipation and carried on. You tightened your fists as he was talking about Poe.

"Don't flatter yourself, Ren. It's nothing you should be proud of. Any idiot can get information through torture..." and silence had fallen as you stopped and realised what exactly you had said. Easy way to be murdered.

Kylo laughed, sharply and violently, making you shiver involuntarily. There was something minacious in that distorted sound, even more as he came few steps closer, now standing right next to you.

"I just can't decide who takes after who that endless cockiness. He after you or maybe you after your precious fly-boy?" he asked with a scent of a mockery in his voice. "Anyway, I'm sure you're as effortless to break as he was..."

"Why don't you check it?" you asked, challenging him. So stupid of you but it was stronger than you.

He tilted his head slightly to the right in act of curiosity, "You are so eager to begin?"

"It has to happen sooner or later..." you sighed slightly tired.

"Well then... You already know that I'm not interested in physical tortures, they're for barbarians and simple-minded people. For me it's too obvious and you know how to cope with it," he said quietly, nearly inaudible. "But feeling pain mentally, is something completely different. You know it's not real, you know I'm not even touching you and yet the pain is unbearable..." Ren leaned over you, searching for any sign of your weakness but your face was plain. Only your eyes were looking directly at him unwaveringly, giving him a challenge. "You're not afraid..." He almost chuckled; Ren loved that moment when his victim was feeling strong enough to fight with him because he knew, shortly that seemingly robust person will whine and beg him to stop. "... But you will."

Kylo stepped aside and standing right in front of you, just few feet separating you two, he rose his hand, pointing at you. At first it wasn't painful at all, like he was teasing you to find all of your hidden weaknesses and soft spots. It seemed ridiculous for you because you were showing him mean less memories, deeply inside hiding your true fears, and just for one moment you irrationally thought, it may be it. In that explicit moment your body relaxed and you could heard Ren's deep and low growl of satisfaction as his mind powers increased and went straight to your biggest fears, ruthlessly.

You gasped surprised by this intrusion. Searching of your worst fears, Ren did not fail to enhance even more of his Force pressure on your mind until you protractedly groaned, clenching helplessly eyes. By this time, he knew, he had broken one of your barriers.

Being physically devastated wasn't helping you at all. Your body tried to push him out of your mind but the harder your tried, the further he got into your thoughts. This inhuman effort made you sick and shivering but Ren was only warming up. Dark tentacles of the Force began to wrap more tightly around your thoughts, focused on a nasty childhood you had.

"Don't fight it. Sooner or later I'll get what I want..." his distorted voice, seemed to be so far away, yet when you opened your eyes Ren was closer than you suspected.

"You wish," you hissed, gasping for air; in your mind seeing your abusive father, ill-treating your mother and your brother standing against him, trying to fight him back. You fought back tears, reliving all over again one of your worst memory. "Do you think this will break me?" you spited it out through clenched teeth. "That's what formed me into what I am today. You can't break me with it."

"Oh, no I need this for something different..." you could swore he was smiling behind this mask of his. "Guilt... Wasn't your brother younger than you? You should have take care of him... But did you? Have you done your best to protect him?"

His questions mixed with pictures in your head made you shiver. Some unforgettable events, words that you wished had never been spoken loud and eyes of your brother, painfully whirling into your soul.

"Ah yes... Now you can see that," though he was inside your mind one thing made you worried.

Ren didn't ask any particular question to be answered. He didn't need any specific information, he was just searching for everything and anything at the same time.

"I'm searching for particular data but when you don't know what you need to hide it's easier to find it..."

"It's quite time-consuming..." you managed through gritted teeth.

"I have time," Kylo assured you, slightly twirling pressure on your mind. Now your memories were accompanied with awful sound between the squealing and a loud whistle.

You screamed as your pain sensors went crazy, sending conflicting signals through your arching in agony body. You felt your nails pinning in skin in fists. Every single time Ren was enhancing pressure, you were burning from the inside. You yelped horrifyingly, inhaling sharply.

"Are you tired? I'm just warming up, Ren. Try a little bit harder," you blurted out with bloody saliva, your lungs hurting you more with each breath. 

The Knight stopped and took his hand back, which you welcomed this with relieved sigh.

"For now, you had enough..." he said, improving his leather gloves and then left the room. 

Your mind was screaming but you just felt tired. The pain he caused you wasn’t even the half bad as you thought but you knew he was just playing with you. The data he needed was deep down in your head and if he wanted to get it, he had to work harder on you. That is why it sickened you, Ren in fact had unlimited time but how much you had it was unanswered mystery.

  


***

  


You opened eyes to welcome bright light from the corridor next to your cell; it meant that you could try to run as no one was guarding you. At first shyly you checked if somebody was coming and because corridor was empty, you started to run.

All corridors looked exactly the same and it was really hard to find the right one. The only way you could figure it out was to follow the coldest one, hoping that it’ll lead you to the exit scuttle. Even if it doesn’t, you’ll die as a free person on your conditions. 

As you thought about it, you didn’t notice approaching Stormtrooper and shortly after your escape you were caught and brought before Kylo Ren. He rose one of his hands and you fell in the darkness. You woke up again on your metallic prison with unhappy thoughts.

You never actually crossed door of this place and Kylo was standing next to you, probably laughing inside because of your naivety. 

"I’m absolutely fascinated by this. It’s your fourth attempt and it seems that you’re not even tired of this," your eyes met his black mask, as you remained silent. 

_How can idea of freedom ever die in me,_ you thought and gave him cocky smile. You perfectly knew he was reading your thoughts.

"Well if you say so. When your mind is occupied by chasing white rabbit I had the opportunity to look for information."

_Shit_

"Exactly...," he smiled to himself, seeing your face. Ren stood in silence for a moment, calculating something and before you noticed, he left the interrogation room 

Somehow there wasn’t anybody to guard you. It looked like it was staged but the temptation was greater and you didn’t want to resist for too long. It was again perfect chance for escaping, and with help of your hair pin you unlocked restrainers and full of hope you came out. Firstly you tried to remember the map of this base to make an efficient elopement.

You had this opportunity to escape and you took it without thinking about it twice. Your legs were carrying you through the corridors of First Order’s base, unsure where to go, where was your gate to freedom. This run, first physical activity in weeks, made you feel sick but also motivated you to go further. It might have been your only chance to get away from your prison. 

It caused you more pain than you had thought of. Lost of the habit of walking, your legs bent under you at every step, turning your run into its ironically caricatured version. Blood rapidly oozing down your face from wound on your head, made you dizzy but you knew if you stop too early, if you give it up, you'll end up cold in morgue and that wasn't your plan.

Tripping over your own feet, you tried to run as far as possible but it didn't matter. It was irrelevant whether you ran a few feet or you were standing in front of the exit from the deadly trap, he would always found you breathless and bleeding. He would approached you and even fraternally, with a slightly irritated cluck, put his gloved hand on your shoulder, turning you around towards him. You wouldn't feel his disappointment, only increased enjoyment that you had tried it again and to general amusement, you had failed one more time. At that particular moment your awakened hope would epically smashed out about the indestructible barrier as figure of Kylo Ren.

He was standing right in front of you and you hadn’t had a closest idea how he managed to came so close without being detected. His hand clamped on your throat as he brought you closer.

"I’m impressed how far you got this time," Ren said with chuckle. You were back in questioning room. In fact you hadn’t moved from it even a centimetre away, it all happened in your mind.

"Fuck..." you whispered under nose but he surely heard that. "I hope you’re having good fun with that..."

"In fact I have. Seeing you so eager to run away every single time it’s ridiculous but seeing your face in exact moment of realisation you won’t succeed is even more priceless. I wonder, do you ever get bored with that?" even though he was chatting with you, your mind was under constant pressure of his power.

"Never..." you hissed angrily, resisting his doings as good as you could.

  


*** 

  


Ren was fidgety standing in the Holoroom facing Supremes’ Leader transmission. Keeping you on board wasn’t good move but he sensed it will pay off eventually and what he now needed was approval from Snoke, so the ginger general won’t be querulous about it.

"Ren it’s not that hard to sense, you’re eager to leave this girl here... "

"Yes, Master. She’s the advisor of General Organa," that name sounded weirdly in his mouth.

"Didn’t you take all useful information from her already?" Snoke queried interested in his knight’s motivation. 

"Most of it, yes. She’s still hiding secrets besides I can sense she can be still useful for us – " his speaking was interrupted by annoyed snort.

"It’s not that easy to turn faithful solider of the Resistance to our side, Ren..." 

"She could be used as a spy for our fortune..." Ren proposed after a while.

"And how do you want to accomplish it, knight? She's very loyal to the Resistance. I can see what you think about it," Snoke added quite sceptical about the idea.

"I've done much to break her spirit and loyalty, I need more time," he started but was cruelly interrupted by Snoke.

"If the method is wrong, more time won't help," Kylo stood silent but his thoughts made Supreme Leader to rose eyebrow in high irritation. "You have two more days. If you fail, bring her here."

"Yes, Master," Ren nodded affirmatively as he was about to leave.

"Her abilities and knowledge will be much of use here," Snoke seemed to be pleased by his knight's initiative but it also made him wonder. "You can achieve a lot but think about other ways to convince her." 

Ren may be wearing the mask to intimidate and scare his opponents but in front of Snoke, he was as naked as an infant. Every emotion, every thought going through him was so painfully visible for Supreme Leader that it was almost making him joyful. He knew how fragile and torn apart Ren was. It had taken great effort to turn him to the dark side but now it was even greater to keep him there.

Snoke knew that poisoning his mind, from early years of Ren’s life, with his traitorous ideas and thoughts was only the beginning of the long path for Ben to become who he was now. It was truly tremendous metamorphosis, yet it wasn't enough for Supreme Leader. His knight should be absolutely dedicated to the case and Kylo was beginning to slipping out of Snoke's hands. He wasn't so sure about his devotion anymore; killing his father only weakened him and Supreme Leader sensed it, even though Ren was desperately trying to hide it.

The battle of Kylo Ren's soul has just begun.

  


*** 

  


"Y/N! Come on!" bright light of Sun was blinding you so you couldn’t identify your companion but you had a feeling you knew him. "Troublemaker what’s wrong?"

You stopped for moment, only one person was calling you by this name. Only one particular man and right now you had very strong suspicions that something was absolutely wrong. You looked around disorientated, how you got on that meadow with Poe. You could swore minutes ago you were somewhere else but... You didn’t remember where. 

"Y/N? Are you all right?" his dark eyes were observing you so you smiled slightly. He looked extremely happy and peaceful. 

"Yes... I think," you looked back, feeling like someone was observing you. "Have we been here before? This place looks familiar to me, Poe."

"No, that’s the first time I brought you here love," he laughed cherishingly and kissed top of your head. "Actually you went pretty hard on me because I was delaying it." 

He caught your hand, lifted it to his lips and kissed it gently with charming smile. You narrowed your eyes as you knew he was up to something.

"All right... Then why did you bring me here? " you asked slowly as he dragged you further in the high grass. 

"I love you and I wanted to show you this place, which I also love. Is it bad thing to have everything I adore at the same place?"

"Have mercy Poe, you’re so cheesy I can’t take it anymore..." he burst with laughter and kissed you. For one second you forget all your worries and when he brought you closer, caressingly massaging your hips, making you moan silently straight into his lips.

"Were you a good girl?" you nodded quickly, thirsty for his touch.

His hands moved agonizingly slowly up to undo your dress, while his lips were murmuring sweet nonsense’s in your neck, leaving kiss trail after each word. You bit your lower lip as Poe’s mouth covered your nipple, gently sucking it. You weaved your fingers in his dark curls, gasping desperately when you felt his tongue on your sensitive skin. 

"Poe..." 

With sly smile he pull you down on green grass. Surrounded by fresh smell you melted into it, shortly beginning to whine under his touch, searching for all your weak spots. 

"Love, you’re absolutely beautiful in such state... Messy, moaning and needy..." he whispered against your neck and kissed your ear lobe. Poe’s fingers reached your core and started to rub your clitoris, to your utter contentment. Your hips rolled up almost immediately to get better ankle. "And you’re so ready for me..."

"Well you should do something about that... " you were strangling with his belt for a while but your hands, shaking in anticipation, weren’t helping. When you finally overcome that stupid buckle, Poe eagerly slide down his trousers and underwear.

"I’m about to... " he cut sentence as you started to teasingly massaging his hard member. You saw pre-cum on tip of it and you let out a long satisfied murmur, seeing Poe’s expression. 

"Then what are you waiting for, Poy-boy?" you hooked your legs around his hips, bringing your favourite pilot closer.

With cocky smile he teased your clit with his tip before diving into you. A moan slide from Poe’s throat as you dug your nails in his back as he entered you, rolling his hips. He stopped for a moment until you accustomed to him before he started to thrust. By every single move he got deeper in you, hitting your g-spot, making you to moan loudly right next to his ear, what made him even more turned on.

Poe griped your hips, sliding faster in and out of you. Your hips bucked in time with his thrusting, your hands wandering all over his body, gripping it to steady yourself under his passionate thrusts, which drove you to the edge of sweet gratification. 

One more and you would be done but this didn’t happened. Darkness fell and after that you were back in your cell in front of Kylo Ren who made all of this.

You gasped surprised and embarrassed because even if that was only a mind trick, it in fact left you in a very aroused state. You felt this unpleasant pressure inside and wetness down there. Orgasm that hadn’t come to the fulfilment, made you frustrated and even more when you realised Ren must have seen how your body was reacting. You felt your cheeks went red both from shame and anger.

"Why?" you looked at him pissed off.

"You’re unsheathed... Vulnerable," Kylo came closer to you. "You’re almost inviting to penetrate... your mind," he leaned over you, his mask centimetres away from your face. 

"I won’t enjoy it... " you spited more terrified than usual by his proximity. 

"No, but I can help you with that."

You closed your eyes just for a second and when you opened them you were facing Poe once again. You felt it was wrong but Ren’s mind manipulation drove you into state of senility and you didn’t hesitate when he kissed you. Your brain was telling you that it was Poe. 

"How...? " 

"Shhhh now.... " you frowned, his voice was different. He must have seen your reaction because from now on, he didn’t say a word. 

His fingers caressed your cheek and went down your body, leaving trail of goosebumps. You gasped silently as you felt it more realistic than the previous vision. Even though your body was restrained, in your mind you could touched Poe and kiss him as he undid your trousers and slid in your underwear. 

You didn’t stop him, why would you? His touch was always making you weak in knees and this time was no different. As Poe’s fingers were teasing you, you nearly begged him to have you. Before you had a chance to do so he slid one finger in you, just like he read in your thoughts. Moment after another finger followed as you breathed more spasmodic. Your body ached towards him, to get better connection with his fucking hand. It didn’t take him long to make you one more time a hot mess you had been, just moments before.

You felt how your final was coming by his faster moves and additional finger on your clit massaging it at the very end of your capability of holding back your quite loud moans of pleasure. Your right hand was firmly holding his arm in try to steady yourself but it didn’t helped when you came hard and nearly bent on Poe, with his name on your lips. This overwhelming feeling brought you directly to the stars and it was close for you to faint.

In the moment of your climax all your barriers fell down and Ren immediately took advantage of this, infiltrating your most secret thoughts searching for information. Before you could react, he withdraw himself from your mind leaving you gasping, gratified and used. 

For the first time you had an occasion to see his face for few seconds, just before he put his helmet on. You noticed a scar across Ren’s right cheek nearly up to the left eyebrow. 

"Thank you, for your cooperation." 

You remained silent, acknowledging what had just happened. You were ashamed of yourself and how easily you gave up the last of your secrets. He didn’t pay particular attention to your figure during cleaning of his leather glove. Now it made sense why Poe’s touch was quite different from what you remembered.

"Take her to the cell and prepare for tomorrow questioning. Bring her to the Holoroom instead," Ren stated to the Stormtrooper standing outside the room.

The solider nodded affirmatively and entered the room to escort you to your well-known cell. You thought of what had Ren said to the trooper, it wasn’t looking good. As you were predicting someone else would take care of you. Only one question was running over your mind endlessly. Why would they need you if they have all secrets you had known?

  


***

  


Your dream was roughly disturbed buy two Stormtroopers, who got you in upright position and carried out of your cell. You were leaded in the opposite direction than usual, which reminded you of the Ren’s order. You were forced to walk to the Holoroom, whatever that was supposed to be. Even though, you didn’t know what to expect, you shivered with all your body. Those changes never were in your favour and now it seemed you weren’t mistaken as you faced Kylo in front of unknown door. He tied a black blindfold and then took you from the soldiers and you entered ample room.

It was colder than in the corridor and you felt goosebumps on your skin. As hard as you could, you tried not to shiver like a leaf on a wind but after few moments you couldn’t help it. You noticed that floor wasn’t metal any more, it was something synthetic, you couldn’t hear your footsteps. Ren stopped you rapidly and you obeyed. Without your eyes you had no chance to do anything or at last try to run.

"Don’t even think about it..." he hissed over your ear, placing his hand on your shoulder. 

The silence was interrupted by characteristic buzzing noise of transmitters. Intuitively you took step back only to meet Ren’s chest behind you. There was no way out, standing between known and unknown evil.

"I brought her, as you wished Supreme Leader..." you tried to wrestle his grasp on your shoulder. The name of “Supreme Leader” made you sick with worries.

"Well done, my apprentice," this voice so distant, yet close enough to made you startle.

"I got few new useful data from her and handed it over to Hux. But I cannot conduct myself what you intent to do, Master..." you were surprised how disciplined Ren’s voice sounded, even a little bit afraid of his speaker. 

"Good, now let us start with your guest..." you felt it, how both of them were staring at you. Despite Kylo behind you, you tried one more time to retreat further from Supreme Leader. "Don’t be shy, I know all about you..."

The sound of his voice wafted everywhere, leaving you no free space to run away from it. Even if you tried it, Ren was watchfully guarding. Your chest began to move faster, awe spreading across you in face of unknown threat. You felt darkness thickened around you, making it hard to breathe, to speak or to scream. You hadn’t had a slightest idea from where came the moisture and the stench of decay, filling your lungs to the core, but when you almost suffocated by the reek he came into your mind like storm that nearly toppled you on your knees. 

It was so unexpected you stand no chance to protect yourself somehow from this intrusion. It was different from what you experienced with Ren. This time it was rough, practically ripping apart your memories, changing them into monstrous parody of your best days and dreams. You fell to your knees, feeling physical pressure weakening your body. Snoke didn’t intent to be gentle with you, he had a particular goal in his doings and he wanted to accomplish it as fast as he could. In fact, he had suspicions that you may not live through it but he didn’t care much about that. 

You screamed like you were burning alive, your mind slowly melting down, modifying and transforming to new memories, placed there by Supreme Leader. Your senses were going crazy, making you even more disorientated. You couldn’t tell how long you were in here because for you it seemed to be hours, you were slowly becoming numb and even the hard grasp on your arm was scattering into nothingness of your mind. 

"The sound... the sound... what is - ?" you spited out before next long scream escaped your lips. If Ren hadn’t hold your body, you would have been laying on the floor, trying to hide from ominous Supreme Leader.

A long whistle drilled in your ears relentlessly causing nausea. You felt your eardrums throbbing dangerously, barely enduring the high, persistent noise placed in your head. 

"Make. It. Stop," you wheezed loudly, trying to hear yourself. You weren’t sure who you were asking to do so, Ren or your new oppressor but none of them listened to you. It  
would be too easy. 

With growing horror you started wiping the liquid flowing out of your ears; you couldn’t see it but it wasn’t hard to guess, that it was blood. Moments later you had metallic relish on your tongue and strains of blood going down from your nose. 

In last moments of your consciousness you heard scream of your mother just before the death. She wasn’t killed by your father, her tormentor had another face you couldn’t recognise. Every single situation you were in danger was caused by the same person, you seemed to know but through the misty memories, you couldn’t remember anything. Your head overcrowded with negative thoughts and dreams made you weary. You knew, you couldn’t let yourself to go into the darkness because you would lose everything precious to you. Every worth remembering memory will be gone and replaced with false images, which were even now messing with you. 

Ren was still supporting your numb body but in moment of great will, you forced yourself to stand straight up and faced the Supreme Leader without the sash. Your eyes met his disturbing gaze piercing your soul through. It was too much for your mind as it was squeezed even harder by this image and you were in thrall to the darkness, falling limply at Ren.

"She won’t be a problem anymore. Tomorrow you must check what has been changed and work with it. It won’t be long till she’s in our power, Ren."

"Of course, Supreme Leader," he answered and dark figure immediately disappeared.

  


***

  


You were again running but this time was different. It wasn’t your prison you tried to escape. The darkness which was following you, consuming everything on its path was threatening you. Its nonentity was bothering you and motivating to run as fast as the devil himself was chasing after you.

The first time in your life you were facing that kind of threat and you weren’t willing to give up on yourself. That black mass destroying everything that mattered to you, had no respect for anything. Your thoughts were deliriously slipping by, rescuing itself but they would eventually end up in the blackness. 

You realised, you can’t win and run away the only solution was to stand against it and fight it back if you had enough power. You stopped and patiently waited as darkness consumed you and started transforming you to be more like it, than yourself. 

As you absorbed it, you felt free. It never occurred your mind that maybe the life you were living wasn’t truly yours. The darkness was offering you tempting vision of life without borders and it would be a sin to reject it although, something deep inside you warned you to not follow this path. Easy way to have complete life, never was the best way and you knew it. With obscure and painful scream you tear yourself out of the darkness and begin to run. You felt it in your bones, muscles in all your body. Running was imprinted in your soul. If you stop, you will be doomed.

  


***

  


You didn’t know how long you had been unconscious but when you woke up, you wished it last longer. You were back in your cell, laying down with numb body. It wouldn’t be that bad if not the explicit headache, which was ripping apart your head. You slowly opened eyes to thankfully welcome pitch dark around you because your mind in that state couldn’t bear any light, even the softest one. You had the impression that your brain was swollen and you had temperature limiting your ability to at least get up and drink anything.

"Try not to think. It’ll only strain your mind more," you heard Kylo’s voice as if he was behind thick glass. "I’m happy you’re back..."

"What?" even your voice sounded unfamiliar. His figure approached you.

"You were taken by the Resistance..."

"That’s bullshit... I am with the Resistance," you interrupted Ren with ironic smile, it looked absurdly. 

"You were supposed to think like that. They brainwashed you, Y/N.." he sat down on your bed watching you carefully. "I can’t let you go before being sure you’re back..."

"Ren, that’s ridiculous. The First Order kidnapped me and tortured me..." you begin sure of your words but when it was said, your mind started to wonder if it was actually true.

"We rescued you, Y/N... And I’m sorry for doing this but it’s for your own sake," Kylo placed his hand on your temple to start with the last phase.

"No, stop it now! You’re evil! The Resistance, they’re... it’s..." you were unable to finish your sentence because of his manipulation. You couldn’t find the right words.

"Think Y/N, please... You were First Order’s pilot and got into the Resistance ambush. They kept you imprisoned for long time and messed with your head," you laughed hysterically. None of this should make sense to you but it was actually quite likely. 

"You won’t get anything from me. I do remember what you did to me..."

"Only to help you, Y/N," he took off his helmet, putting it aside. "Don not be afraid. I want to help you."

Kylo secured your torso as he brought you to the sitting position. You oddly found that his face was somehow familiar, despite that scar across it. In your mind you couldn’t recall any memory of him but you sensed you had previously seen him.

"Now do tell me, who is responsible for all your misery?" Ren asked softly, keeping his observant eyes on you the whole time.

"Kylo Re..." you stopped as he penetrated your mind once again, twisting your mind upside down.

"I'll ask again. Who is responsible for your miserable state?" his voice was still soft, almost caring, while his powers were still piercing through your thoughts, destroying everything on its path. You scoffed in pain, desperately holding to last of your untouched memories.

"Kyylo R..." your body twisted in unpleasant shivers as he hit the core.

"Again... Who made you suffer so much?" you could not read anything from his expressionless face, but his voice was slowly becoming impatient. "Y/N, answer me."

"I am responsible for my pain," you spited out with bloody saliva, panting. You knew he was close to get the answer which will satisfy him but as long as you were conscious and your thoughts weren't dominated by those false pictures, you weren't willing to give him that answer. 

With much effort you tried to keep straight posture but the harder you tried, the harder you were failing. Ren hold firmly your torso in his hands; without his permission you couldn’t fall or shirk from answering his question. You were feeling like a student during examination, slowly running out of excuses under Ren’s grievous gaze. Your answer didn’t satisfied him and you were perfectly aware of that as Kylo clucked disappointed; but at the same time he was genuine surprised by your obstinacy.

"We’re done for now," he decided to your relief. "Rest and try to recall something."

You nodded involuntarily to his proposition and at the same moment you realised what he was about to do. 

"Don’t... Please..." your eyes were nearly begging him not to do it as you steadied yourself by holding his arm.

"Shh... you need to sleep," Ren muttered, looking down on you when he put you into forced dream, despite your objections. "Sleep now."

Kylo ran his hand over your face, sending even deeper dreams for you. He gently laid you on hard bunk and then he left you.

  


*** 

  


You woke up to the darkness and ached body. It seemed more mental than physical but either way you had no motivation to get from your obscure bed and walk. Your head was overloaded with unknown feelings and unpleasant memories you just recalled. Strange as it was, it didn’t make you wonder how you could forget about them until this very moment.

Last evening with its session was quite a mystery and blurred in your memories but one thing was sure for you. Kylo Ren didn’t stop his manipulations and cunning talks. By each word he spoke, your strong will and stubbornness was fading and even though you had many objections and questions about your past you couldn’t gave Ren affirmative answer to his question. It seemed wrong to you to meet his expectations. 

"I can literally feel you are staring at me, Ren..." you spoke loud, feeling somebody’s else presence. Hesitantly you got up and sat on the bed, looking through the darkness to see his body feature.

"I hope you remember more than yesterday..." he slowly came to you, examining.

"I’m less sure about everything than yesterday. Something is not right and I just can’t localise it... Everything is eluding from me," 

"Y/N, focus. You were held by the Resistance, you gained their trust and spied on them. Don't you remember that?" you scanned him, unsure of how your mind will react you kept your mouth shut.

Was it really true? Last night you were afraid that falling asleep will make you forget about... What exactly? You couldn't remember it. Something important but your mind didn't want to help you. Some of its doors were closed for you.

"Y/N?" Ren's voice was only familiar thing for your mind to recognise. "What do you remember?" his fingers lightly caressed you cheek to distract you from his other hand, with which he was still messing with your memory.

"I... No I don't remember..." you frowned, swaying slightly. "Let me go... I want to sleep, " you whimpered faintly, resting you head on Rens’ shoulder, desperately trying to hold back tears.

"Y/N, you know I must be sure you remember who you truly are. Other way I can’t let you go," ends of his fingers were fairly touching your temple to maintain disastrous connection. "It’s for your best," you inhaled sharply as if you were drowning in your mind, due to his actions of which you were unaware. 

"Y/N, why are you doing this? I know you want to be relieved from pain that Resistance cause you. Just remember..."

You couldn't tell what was happening. Those constant incitements of his were making you confused as much as your memories, which you slowly couldn't differ, the fake ones from the real ones. Everything was merging in a whole and soon you gave up. Not so long before you were ready to blame the whole universe for your pain, fear and loneliness except one but now it seemed that everything what happened to you was fault of one, very specific person.

Your body trembled weak as never before, as you allowed your mind to accept the truth you were forced to see. Ren came even closer to you. And when he cupped your chin and rose it up to look into your broken and disorientated eyes, Kylo knew he had succeeded.

"Y/N... Tell me, who is responsible for your sufferings?" with almost unnoticeable move of his fingers, he removed the last spark of your attachment to the Resistance and everything perfectly aligned in all. "Tell me, who made you miserable? Do you remember it?"

Looking into his dark eyes, you felt like you had known the answer for long time and it only waited impatiently to be revealed. You melted into his gaze with only one thought, being finally released from pain. The last border holding you with the Resistance was gone and you felt free as ever. You maintained silence for moment of processing everything in your mind, before you opened mouth and answered his question, 

"Poe Dameron."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for such delay (I hate my studies);  
> Also during writing this part I discovered, I really sucks at writing sex things so yeah... Please accept my apologies for that.  
> I'll enjoy reading your opinions on this chapter ;)


	6. Are you challenging me, Dameron?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Are you challenging me, Dameron?" you narrowed your eyes, watching him carefully.  
> "In fact I am, [Y/L/N]..." he answered after moment of silence; his words were welcomed with silent gasp of terror from your students and small crowd of onlookers.  
> "Very well... Get your ass ready to be whooped tomorrow morning then."  
> "We'll see about that..." Poe gave you defiant gaze with his famous grin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because it 14th of February(right now is 15th but I believe it stills count as 14th ), I decided to post next chapter to show how much I love you all <3  
> Special thanks to: **Tusken_fighter, Taliora, Linda, Kury-chan,** for their comments.
> 
> You people give me life :)  
> Mostly fluff with Poe, I just love him so much :) Next chapter will be much darker ;>
> 
> (Sorry for the lenght of this chapter, my hand slipped.)

The sound of working X-Wing engine was one of the most pleasing noise you had ever heard. It's been nearly five weeks since you returned and you felt good as ever. With your small class, you were checking out the real machine after simulations. It was always quite a thrill to see those majestic beasts in close look. Your students were running around ship with visible excitement on their faces. The thought that one day they will pilotage one of it was putting them into specific state.

"All right class. Who will list parts of the controllers in X-Wing? Liam?" you looked at surprised boy, who immediately started to enumerate everything he remembered. You smiled lightly, he was a good student but way too often he was looking at girls.

"Thank you, I believe you didn't miss any," his relieved expression made you laugh. It wasn't because you were a strict and demanding tutor. He didn't want to disappoint you.

You couldn't stop it as tales about your previous doings spread widely across all the students and your pilotage accomplishments were admired with true passion. For long time, before Poe happened, you were the brightest star of the Resistance aviation. There was no manoeuvre you couldn't do or mission you couldn't end. You hadn't had enough luck to be nominated as a leader of red and blue squadron but you were second in command and that suited you perfectly. As Red Falcon you had chances to conduct many astonishing and bodacious missions, despite the disapproval of your superior. Your bravado preceded you as you proudly went through the base. The fact was, you truly loved what you were doing and enjoying your work was the greatest prize you could ever get.

Years passed by and after your three-year career you were slightly pushed back by Dameron Before he joined the Resistance, he was already known as a very talented pilot, who could fly anything. You knew there would always be people more skilled than you and you accepted it but not him. You tried to act like it was under your pride to react on his stupid talks and not even once in public you gave him that satisfaction. But when you two were in air and nobody could listen to you, your arguments were more fierce than your flights.

Poe was good, he was damn good and your fame perished and from then you had to live in his shadow. Dameron bit all your records and scores you made during your training days but one was still yours and he couldn't do anything to change that. You were the youngest pilot that Resistance had and Poe was older than you by three years and even now in hatred arguments you would always point it out with wide grin, to silence him and it usually works.

"For now you're dismissed. Please carefully watch X-Wing and write any observations or questions you'll have," you looked at watch and quickly calculated. "At 4 PM meet me in our class. We'll discuss your opinions and then you'll do another simulation," you snorted seeing their sad faces as they couldn't wait to fly real X-Wing. "Everything in right time."  
Students quickly went in all possible directions and disappeared from your sight, so you won't change your mind.

"Y/N! Are your free?"

"Unfortunately I'm taken..." you said with laugh and turned to face Poe. "But I can rethink my decision for you."

"And you're telling ME that I'm impossible?" he kissed your cheek. "Wanna help us with packing next transport?"

"Yeah, sure," you followed him to smaller shuttles, which were meant to be send to bigger ship on the orbit. "There's shortage on people that pilots are helping?"

"Yes and no. General Organa decided to speed up a little bit and ..."

"Tell me no more. Until I have all my memories back I don't trust myself," you smiled to him sad.

"But I do. It never failed me," you frowned, unsure of his words. "All right, let's go."

You came closer to special containers, half packed with smaller equipment and started to stow other parts of radio stations in it. You searched for Poe, who was carrying bigger receptacle with Snap and loaded it in a shuttle.

"Y/N, how are you doing? We haven’t spoke recently..." you turned around and saw Jess to your surprise.

"I thought you were patrolling D’Or!? It’s great to see you," you hugged her and kissed her cheek. "I’m good. Still one big black hole in my head but..." you shrugged. "And how are you doing? Any fresh gossips?"

"I’m all right AND I finally changed my controls in X-Wing... Damn it goes so smooth right now, you have no idea..." Pava stood next to you, helping with packing. "You must try it someday."

"Sure thing. I didn’t fly for so long I’m afraid I forget all about it..." you sighed heavily closing your first container and going to another. 

"Yeah... that’s why you’re training next generation of pilots. Perfect choice...."black-haired snorted, trying to prevent laugh. "How is it going anyway?"

"Those kiddos are amazing, some of them actually amazingly gifted but they all have one big flaw... They want to be like Dameron..."

"Really? What do they see in him? Like yep, he’s pretty damn good pilot but let’s be honest, that’s all..." you heard slight mockery in her voice and couldn’t help that big grin on your face.

"Exactly and how he cares about literally everything and that stupid jokes of his... There is nothing I can personally like him for," for a solid moment you looked at each other, laughing and then turned your eyes at Poe, who unaware of your chat was joking with Snap, and bursted into laughter that caught their attention. 

"What’s so funny, girls?" he shouted to you and you both laughed even harder.

"I’m telling Jess stories about my students Poe," Dameron nodded quickly and returned to loading equipment. 

"That’s what I’m talking about..." she laughed lovingly closing next container. "How are preparations to your wedding?"

"Not as good as I want but still we have much time, so you know. We’re slowly getting ready to it..." you smiled lightly. "But one thing is for sure, you’ll be my bridesmaid."

"Of course I’ll girl," you high fived and returned to packing. "You’ll have the best bachelorette party ever."

"I love you Jess," you smiled widely.

"I know, who doesn’t?" 

You opened your arms in gesture of pure unfamiliarity of such people; it was impossible to not like her, you yourself couldn’t count how many times she helped you or simply was with you, when Poe was driving you mad or your bad days came over you. Jess was your closest friend you ever had and you felt guilty when your friendship abated as you became General’s advisor. 

"Come on, we’ll get that on board," by head you indicated three containers, which you and Jess had already packed. 

She nodded and grabbed handle and you did the same from your side. It was a little bit heavier than you thought but you didn’t show that on your face as you two walked by Poe and Snap, airily talking about newest astrodroids. 

"Y/N, what are you doing?" he leaped up and took over your handle as Snap took Jessica’s. "Ladies do not carry heavy things. Ask us to do so. Jess, I’m talking to you too."

"Yeah, got it Dameron..." she rolled her eyes and exchanged knowing glances with you. "He’s the worst. I wouldn’t be able to stay with such caring person," she whispered as they disappeared.

"Totally... Maybe we should go back to packing things as boys won’t allow us to carry anything."

"Good idea," Jess admitted and you two went to the other part of landing area to help there.

As you two were working and joking you didn’t even noticed how quickly time passed and piles of essential parts for new base drastically diminished and heap of beautifully packed containers towered over you and Jessika. 

"Ladies, I’m grabbing my lovely soon-to-be-wife and we’re flying to the orbit," Poe came out of nowhere and enfolded you from behind, leaving soft kiss on your neck. 

"All right my prince in X-Wing. Jess can you handle rest of it?"

"Sure and I can already see rescue coming," she pointed at approaching Snap. "I’ll be fine. Go and fly, lovebirds," Pava winked at you with rakish smile.  
You smiled back to her as you left with Poe, heading the first shuttle.

"Why are you taking me with you? It’s not that hard to navigate this," you teased him slightly, taking your seat.

"You know I can fly anything. I got the idea that you could use a slight change of the surroundings."

 _You have no idea_ , you thought grateful for that. Five weeks staying on ground was slowly making you uncomfortable and you were more than eager to sit behind X-Wing’s controls and fly away for short escapade. 

"I can see what’s on your mind and I promise you we’ll fly somewhere together."

"I love you, Poe... For everything," you smiled to him sweetly, stroking his hand. 

"I love you too, troublemaker," his face brightened as he looked at your for longer moment, during pilotaging the shuttle. That was one of his phenomenal abilities, which you adored most. Shuttle trembled as it landed in transporter. 

"Focus on flying love. I felt the landing," you teased him, charmingly biting your lower lip.

"It’s hard to concentrate on anything if I have such beauty at my side. Especially when she looks so lovely as now," he stood up and offered his hand to help you get up. You blushed under his intense gaze. "So beautiful, so unbelievably adorable..." Poe leaned over and kissed you at first softly but then hungrily, pulling you closer. Your forearms rested on his shoulders as inquisitive hands of his were wandering over your hips, sending pleasant chills across your body.

"Poe, not now..." you murmured into his mouth only to hear disillusioned sigh escaping his throat.

"I know, Y/N," his voice sounded so miserable you actually considered quick moment of pleasure. 

You two separated from each other as you heard footsteps and soon you saw technician coming towards you.

"Hello, sir. Can we start unloading the cargo?"

"Yeah sure. I’ll show you where, what is," Poe disappeared with the technician behind containers and you decided to get out and stretch your legs. 

You had seen ships like that before but every single time, when you had a chance and time, it was true pleasure for you to see some of its secret places, extraordinary technical solutions or just to have a simple chat with its personnel and pilots. It was always absorbing you how was it possible to protect or to manoeuvre such enormous machine. And this time was no different. As soon as you got out of the shuttle you went straight to one of the first crewmates you saw and start talking with her about technical data. With indescribable joy you agreed on tour around it. Before you left hangar, you looked behind to check on Poe but as he was talking with other pilots, he didn’t even noticed that you were gone, so with wild pleasure and huge self-satisfied smile you went off to see all the secrets of the cargo ship.

With an actual interest you were listening to your guide as she provided you all detailed characterisation of the transporter as you two walked by power generators and further into engines. As you always pilotaged X-Wing and some smaller freighters it was absolutely refreshing see something like that. Besides every day was a good day to learn something new and listening about spaceships was what you could be doing all the time. You were amazed by the size, ability to carry so much cargo but it also made you wonder if it was the best way to transport such valuable load. Maybe it was wiser to use smaller ships, spend more time on the task but it would have been so much more safer than transporting everything at once, making a perfect shooting target out of the ship.

Being pensive around the transporter made you forgot that you had classes and discharge of the cargo was probably ended. You thanked your guide for such educational tour and decided it was high time to return to Poe and get back on D’Qar. You walked slowly through the corridors until Poe jumped out of perpendicular hall and stopped in front of you.

"Y/N, where have you been? I run all around this cargo ship," you caught his relieved gaze as he found you.

"Well I was wandering here and there."

"Come, we can go now," Poe’s eyes were shining brightly with excitement but you didn’t asked because you knew it wouldn’t take long until he say everything. "I’ll show you something."

"Yeah sure..." you followed him back to the landing platform and to the shuttle. 

"Now, you must close your eyes and not open them until I tell you, all right?" you nodded, closing your eyes. 

You were leaded into the ship and then seated in your place. It wouldn’t be a lie if someone would tell that his excitement partially affected you. His spontaneous actions were absolutely tremendous. 

"Don’t you think it’s a little bit too big? I mean it’s quite easy to shoot down such ship," you wondered laud as you took off, just to know his opinion about those mechanical monsters.

"It is cumbersome and hard to navigate not to mention its protection but that’s why X-Wing squadrons always fly with it," you heard clicking and shuttle rocked delicately. "And General decided to use light freighters this time, as they can escape quicker and are much more manoeuvrable than the big ones and can protect themselves. I can speak only in superlatives about them," Poe laughed silently. "And now you can open your eyes."

You did as he said and looked at the eternal space. It took your breath away as it seemed not only you were watching it but as if the galaxy was gently gazing into your soul, filling it with understanding, compassion and forgiveness. Stars now closer as ever, were soothingly pulsating, offering their serenity for whoever asked for it.

"It's first time since I returned..." you looked at the stars and darkness, surrounding you. It strangely eased you at so many levels, it was nearly unbelievable.

"I know and I had a feeling you've missed it," you turned your gaze to Poe and smiled lightly. There was no other person who would know you as good as he. In fact you often wondered if you knew yourself that good.

"Thank you, Poe," you leaned over to kiss his cheek and then returned to admiring stars. "It's just like on our first date. Everything went awful but the end of it was magnificent."

He laughed silently, observing you. Seeing you finally relaxed and excited at the same time, filled his heart with unspeakable joy. For five weeks he tried his best to accomplish that and stupidly of him, Poe forgot how much you enjoyed the view of serenity in stars and space. Facing this limitless sphere was giving the sense of being so small in its blackness and yet a part of something bigger, worth fighting for.

You looked at him with a spark of an idea in your eyes and you quickly moved on his lap, cuddling to his chest with pleased smile. Your favourite pilot didn’t hesitate at all and after a while he was gently rubbing your arm with one hand and the other was placed on your waist. There was no need to hurry up and return to the base immediately and you both knew that perfectly, lazily gazing at the stars.

"Poe..."

"Mhmmm?" he looked down at you, frowning slightly as your voice was beginning to tremble. "What is it?"

"What if I’ve done something awful?" your [Y/E/C] eyes met his concerned eyes. 

"What do you mean love?"

"I just... I constantly have this feeling that I’ve done something wrong. Like I killed someone," you turned your eyes away, unable to withstand his gaze so disturbed it was making you uneasy to bother him with your thoughts.

"Y/N," Poe’s arms tightened around you. "Don’t be afraid if something is upsetting, tell me about it," he kissed your forehead.

"It’s not like I remember anything more but deep down I feel some atrocity took place because of me. It’s freaking me out..."your hair fell on your face, trying to hide your embarrassment.

"Y/N, princess as far as I know you it’s impossible that you hurt anyone..."

"Mhm... but what if it wasn’t me – me... What if they did something to me, what if Ren did..." 

"Shhh... Y/N even if you did something, it wasn’t you but that person they made and you can’t be sure about that until you remember everything. And I know it’s frustrating, to have black hole in your head but stay calm and open-minded and I’m sure everything will come back," Poe put your hair behind your ear and lifted softly your chin. "I’ll stay with you no matter what."

"Thank you, flyboy," you kissed him with sad smile.

"That’s something new. You’d never called me like that," he smiled back to you.

"Never?" you hilted your head back, looking at Pole observantly. It seemed so natural to call him that, you were sure you had named him with that nickname. "Sorry, I must have mingled something."

"It’s fine princess. I come up with new names for you all the time," he saw your chin begin to tremble as you had sad and somehow irritated expression. "What is it now?"

"It’s different because you know who you’re and you remember everything. How can I be sure that it wasn’t putted in my mind during interrogation?" 

"Maybe it was but is it so bad?" Poe leaned over and kissed you to drive away all your worries and you must admitted that he did it pretty well as your thoughts brighten up much more. "I thought so.." 

And before you were able to speak anything, he covered your lips with his, kissing you again more passionately this time. Your hand tangled in his dark curls, bringing him closer. 

"That’s cheating..." you whispered with frolicsome expression and narrowed eyes.

"But it’s working," Poe nudged his nose over yours and kissed you. "We should come back."

"All right," you nodded and got off his lap, sitting back in your previous chair. "What are you doing this evening?"

"Well I have patrol flight with Snap, why?" his eyes were now fixated on all controls as he manoeuvred shuttle.

"Just asking..." you shrugged your arms but that sly smile was selling you. "Because you know... My ribs are quite well right now so..."

"I’m in princess," he took a look, biting his lower lip with right corner lightly up as he tried to hold up the smile. "If you have time - "

"I have classes at 4 PM, Poy-boy," the sigh he let out was inhuman. "I’m sure you can handle until evening?"

"Hardly, Y/N, hardly..." he clenched his teeth and you just admired the view of his focused gaze and that beautiful jaw, nearly hanging out of your seat. "It’s not safe to sit like that."

"Yeah but that’s the view I can die for," you laughed as Poe dramatically rolled his eyes.

"And you’re complaining about me..." he shook his head with disbelief. "And thank you for choosing our lines. We’re back on D’Qar."

"Damn, you’re getting even better. How are you doing that?"

"Well I’m trying to be always Poe-sitive..." you opened your mouth both absolutely shocked and incredulous by his words.

"That’s why Poe... That’s why..." you got up and kissed his cheek. "Gotta go Poe. See you at home... or maybe you’ll pick me up from classes?"

"I’ll pick you up from classes and drag you in the bushes," you snorted and patted his arm. "Now I won’t be able to concentrate on my patrol flight, thanks to you, love."

"Tell me more about it," you winked and got out of the shuttle. 

You checked time and discovered that you in fact had half an hour before your classes and thought of finishing what you had started was beginning to look very tempting. _No, no, no, be strong Y/N_ , you dunned yourself. You shook your head and quickly left landing area to the training barracks. On your way you didn’t see Jessika, which slightly worried you as you wanted to hang out with her a little bit longer. 

You entered canteen and quickly grabbed few fruits and were on way back as you knocked into Finn at the door.

"Hi," he gave you wide smile and hugged you, squishing fruits you were carrying.

"Hello. I bet you’ve been waiting for the opportunity to hug me, haven’t you?" you laughed. "Want some?" you offered him fruit but he thanked you. "So what are you up to?"

"I don’t know. I’m still trying to find myself in here and in the Resistance," you nodded, listening to him. "I tired many things but nothing seemed right for me."

"You know I’m training new pilots so if you want to join, feel free to do so. In fact I’m starting next classes in few moments," you suggested, finishing your fruit and starting second one. "Sorry, I’m starving."

"That’s not a problem, Y/N. And yeah I could do the pilotage course, maybe that will be good idea."

"If you join, I’ll give you material to catch up with. It’s not much but you must know all the controls and things like that before I allow you to fly an X-Wing," you patted his arm and smiled. "You should think about being an advisor? You know quite much about First Order and that would be extremely useful for General Organa."

"I thought about that but I’m not sure about that. I was a simple trooper," Finn sighed heavily. 

"I’ll be speaking with General today so I can ask if she could use your knowledge, Finn. And don’t say that, everyone is important even if they’re a smaller part of the bigger whole. Without it, it wouldn’t be working."

"Good afternoon, miss Y/L/N."

"Good afternoon, Liam," you greeted your student and saw other coming. "Come on in Finn. We’ll be discussing X-Wing construction. So you can sit and listen and ask whatever you want. It’s more like a storm brain and debate," you invited him with a gesture to go inside as you followed Finn. "Take a seat and soon we’ll begin." You smiled to him and came to your desk and pulled out few things from it. 

Slowly class filled in with the rest of your students and noise of their chats rose drastically. 

"All right, all right! Please guys stop talking as we begin our class. Firstly I want to welcome hopefully new student, Finn be nice to him or you’ll deal with me," everyone said “hi” and gave Finn few curious gazes. "So tell me what new have you found out or what observations you made? And please one at the time..."

Even if you tried to keep them quiet, you wouldn’t say that you succeeded in it. At first they were talking quite peacefully, in order but when some technical data that didn’t matched they went wild. Shouting their opinions and different arguments for validation. At first you were terrified because they never did anything like that before but on second thoughts it was one of the most constructive discussion in a past few days. Moments after it erupted, their talking slightly subsided and from now on conversation was carried in a more civilised way.

As a tutor, you were supposed to correct any mistakes in their speaking or way of thinking but it was true pleasure to observe how other students straightened their colleagues. If there was need for you to step in, you would rather let your group discuss the problem on its own and eventually they would come up with right solution.

You were amazed by their cleverness and pure mind, how it was not just an idea to fill in free time but truly their passion; they devoted their young lives to become best pilots they can one day. Those classes and your student’s altitude was giving you life and hope for future generations of pilots. 

If not the problem with their cooperation it would be a perfect team. Unfortunately the origin of that absolute nightmare of yours, was foggy to you. Of course even the brightest stars of aviation dealt with that problem but it was matter of three up to four weeks to get rid of it and you fought with it for five weeks already and nothing changed. As if every single one of them wanted to be such characteristic figure as Poe and feel how it feels to walk in a blaze of glory. 

_One day I’m going walk in a blaze of glory and sound of relieved souls as I’ll drown him in his splendour_ , you thought with ironic smile, listening to your students statements. Poe was the last person who would flaunt his skills but his fame preceded him and he couldn’t do much to convince all people that he wasn’t just a flyboy with poster face. You knew how much his commitment to the resistance cost him.

Superficial admiration of his skills was most understandable, considering his achievements. But in the moment when it was paired with trivial conceptions about man you loved by whole your heart, you felt unspeakable bitterness and you tried to derived from error. In this case it wasn’t the most important thing to equal abilities to Dameron but to serve in the very best way to the Resistance with its fight with the First Order. 

"All right, I do believe all misunderstanding are solved and we can go to simulators and train flying a little bit," you commanded with pleasant smile, after returning from your thoughts. "Please leave order before leaving and wait for me before entering the Hall." you watched as everybody left the class except Finn. "What’s up?"

"Should I go? I had some basic training as everyone here but it was long time ago."

"Absolutely, even if you don’t remember something, I’m sure it’ll come up pretty quickly as you sit in a simulator," you comforted him, closing room. "You’ll learn and they’ll learn how to cooperate with each other. And besides, it’s absolutely great fun to train in one of it."

You briskly went out and crossed the square towards roofed plaza in front of which stood a bunch of a little impatient and excited students because no matter how they complained about next simulation, they secretly loved it. Ersatz of next level of their training.

"You may now come in and took helmet," you opened the wicked and let them in. "As you do so, please stand next to your simulator until I allow you to get on."

You encouraged Finn to follow the group, as you came to the consol, on a small podium and turned it on; with pleasant humming it stated its readiness to work. You updated new training program from datacard, you prepared some time ago. 

"Your mission is to escort transportation with wounded soldiers. Una, you’re the leader this time. Everyone should listen to her, are we clear?"

"Yes, ma’am," group of sixteen answered in unison, ready to start the training flight.

"All right, in the cockpits," you ordered and launched proper training program. 

The machines closed and your twenty-minute break began. You put on ear-comlink, which was a substitute for a helmet so you could hear everything, and sat down in front of monitors watching carefully of your students doings. Thanks to comlink you were able to hear what orders would make time leader and then it will allow you to discuss any mistakes. You hoped this time they’ll act like a team and no one will have an idea to discredit authority Una was given. 

Your eyes focused on two pilots next to each other, it seemed as they were about to part from the group. Before you warned leader about it, she already gave them a tongue-lashing. _Good girl_ , you smiled to yourself, sensing that this one will go far in her pilot career and you would be very happy to watch it. Her voice was strict and demanding yet you could heard a friendly tone in it; just enough to make people listen to you and accept your leadership. 

As you suspected Finn was diverging from the group but so did Una and he was positioned closely to her X-Wing. She could have an eye on him but it was danger for her to be a little bit too distracted from her task and the real challenge has just begun as the hostile units appeared on the horizon. _Don’t let me down gril _, you thought looking at the monitors. She was your personal favourite and you tried so hardly not to put her in front of the line, and you liked even more as you observed her leader abilities and cold blood. Of course it was a little bit different than the real life situation but it was giving you quite assurance that her behaviour will be similar in actual fight.__

The simulation carried on and you were extremely fed up with doings of the squadron. Una tried her best to keep everything together but despite her heroic fight for survival the transport had been destroyed and she lost five pilots to your surprise. You turned it off as you knew there was no need to wait until the end. They failed and now with grievous faces they got out of the simulators and as they saw you were disappointment. 

"Please do tell me which part of “Everyone should listen to Una” you didn’t understand? Can somebody answer me that?" you looked at them pissed because it somehow was hitting you that your education method was wrong and that’s why they couldn’t come up with an agreement. "Una, I have no reservations but next time please remember to be a little bit more strict as you can see what happened..." 

"Yes, ma’am," she nodded with a bit more brighten up face. 

"Finn I know it was your first training after long time so I can understand some mistakes but you accompanied Una and I saw you’d learnt few new things already," you smiled to him and applauded. "Of course Liam, Oy’in, Per’a, Kora and Gham did an amazing job too. But the rest of you... Could you explain me what is so hard in taking orders from Una?"

You didn’t rise your voice it was calm all the time and that was what creeped your students out. You didn’t shout, you always managed to have peaceful tone. You looked expectantly at young people with bitterness in your eyes. 

"How many times do I have to repeat myself? You do not perform solo missions, it’s extremely rare and only the best of pilots are assigned to such. I’m not kidding. If you want to be the best you need to understand that without teamwork, you won’t accomplish much," you searched for any sign of understanding in their eyes. "Even the greatest pilots started from the rock bottom so please believe me there is a long way for you to go before you could call yourselves a pilots. It’s not concentrated on an individual but on unit and you must understand that." 

You noticed a few pilots standing outside the Hall, listening to you carefully. You frowned slightly, hoping that they won’t hear much from your speech. 

"It doesn’t matter if you serve under Poe Dameron or Jessika Pava, you are a part of the greater whole and without you it wouldn’t be working. It’s crucial for you, before you get into your X-Wings, to understand and know that. There is no me in a squadron, there is we. If one of your team is down you tries to help him, not leave him alone. Every single one of you should be helping other people not necessarily a pilot but a simple member of the Resistance or anyone at all. Show yourselves as a valuable person that represents something," you were running out of time as the training should be over five minutes ago but you just couldn’t let go. The crowd outside the Hall got bigger and few students already noticed it but you didn’t paid big attention to it. "You must get rid of egoism and feel as a union of people with the same goal." 

You stopped to take deep breath, and tried to calm down. It had been long time since you’ve been so pissed off by their disrespectful behaviour and thoughtlessness you were out of words. 

"Pilot training is not all about getting higher scores and be the top of the class. Here you’re learning how to change sixteen different people into a unit, which will work perfectly. And just for your information, Poe Dameron, who you deify so much, wasn’t always the best - "

"Says who, Y/N?" you looked over your students to see Poe approaching you. He came a little bit too early for you and you knew that meant troubles, mostly for you.

"I’m trying to explain my students why teamwork is much more efficient than being solo," you carefully chose your words, having your eyes fixated on him. That playful smile didn’t bode nothing good. "And you don’t have all the records that were to achieve, Poe."

"Which one, then?" you hardly stopped yourself from issuing impatient groan. There he goes, the face of Dameron you always hated, that cheeky bastard.

"On the training flight in X-Wing. You don’t have the best time. Beside this you also didn’t win the bet of the highest amount of barrels," you answered him, trying to keep straight face. He was surprised that you actually remembered that.

"Well maybe I don’t have the best time but I haven’t missed any of the target as somebody have..." _that’s how you wanna play, Poe_ , you thought , trying to knock out, by deadly gaze, from his head an idea which began to germinate in it. "I’m curious if you still can beat me in it."

Loud sigh escaped you, as you rolled your eyes. You were with five-year-old, who couldn’t miss an opportunity to show off. You did your best to stop him but his childish nature was unstoppable. But this time you actually wanted to pick up the gauntlet, even if you were going to regret it sooner or later.

"Are you challenging me, Dameron?" you narrowed your eyes, watching him carefully. 

"In fact I am, [Y/L/N]..." he answered after moment of silence; his words were welcomed with silent gasp of terror from your students and small crowd of onlookers. 

"Very well... Get your ass ready to be whooped tomorrow morning then." 

"We'll see about that..." Poe gave you defiant gaze with his famous grin and he left the Hall accompanied by Snap. 

"You’re dismissed. Be prepared for next classes," you said, angry with yourself and Poe. 

Everyone quickly left the Hall, both students and onlookers, and you stood alone in its spacious interior, hoping that next day will bring something good. You closed gate and went to your weekly meeting with General. 

"Good evening." 

"Good evening, Y/N. I hope you had good day," you shortly hugged Leia. 

"Yes, I had and I’d like to ask for one thing..." you started feeling extremely stupid in front of General. "I ask for your permission for flight, tomorrow morning." 

"Ah, the bet? Such news travel fast here," she smiled, seeing your surprised face. It wasn’t even fifteen minutes since Poe dared you. "You know you can fly. I never gave you prohibition so tell me why do you need my acceptance?" 

"Well I just don’t trust myself as I used to. It’s probably nothing but I still feel deep down in my thoughts his presence and I’m simply worried that something bad may occur," you answered truthfully. You hadn’t had any vision recently but it didn’t mean you were absolutely free from it. 

"I understand that, Y/N but if you don’t trust yourself it’s quite hard for everyone else to trust you. You must think about your altitude to yourself," her comforting smile was giving you life. 

"I’m trying to do so all the time General but it’s hard to have positive altitude after what happened and I don’t even remember it," your voice trembled with frustration. You knew it was matter of time for you to recall everything but it was absolutely wearing you. And as days have been passing you became more convinced that your memory loss was caused by artificial dam not by violent event. 

"Y/N I can only imagine with what demons you’re struggling right now but you must always remember that there’re people willing to help you, to talk with you. That you’re not alone in this fight," her eyes were observing you and you couldn’t help your smile. "You have my permission for the flight." 

"Thank you, General. It really means a lot to me," it was a relief because you somewhat identified this permit with a partial waiver of liability in the event of any accident. You noticed your thoughts were much darker than it used to be and the sense of an inevitable misery, prosecuted you all the time. "So I think we can get back to our previous talk..."

After some time you got used to those meetings, it was a return to your previous every day routine reports and talks with other advisors. It really helped you restore your inner balance, which was the most crucial thing for you before you even thought of getting back your lost memories. 

You didn’t remember whole, you remembered parts of it. A mosaic of your memory with shattered pieces now filled with blackness. Those talks with General were quite helpful as she offered her assistance in restoring your memory. It looked like putting puzzles all together with some missing parts. Somehow you knew the reason why she was helping you was not only to get her advisor back but also to learn something about her son or more to learn what he became. Neither you nor General said that laud, it was an unwritten rule of your meetings. If she ask questions about him, you will tell everything you know, everything you remembered or recalled but it wasn’t that much.

At the same time you wondered why General didn’t talk with Poe about Kylo Ren but shortly the answer would come. Leia had her suspicions that you probably saw her son’s face and right now you were the only link to him, broken and stuck link but she had hope that with help and patience you will remember everything. You knew that at the same time she was helping you, General wanted to get to know better her only child so different from what she remembered. 

It was heartbreaking as you were supposed to be the one who tell Leia about monster her child became and you hadn’t had enough guts to speak with her about everything. You often pretended that you didn’t remember your tortures to cover up his actions but despite your manipulations, deep inside yourself you felt she knew, you were not telling her the whole truth and anywise General was thankful for that.

You appreciated the time General Organa devoted to solving your personal problems. You knew that earlier but that was other face of the Resistance leader, she would always have time to speak with whoever needed it. Leia Organa was open to anyone seeking for help or advice. That altitude was always refreshing and putting in distance any minor misunderstandings or quarrels. When General was speaking everyone was listening to her with the purest devotion and love; there was not a single person in the Resistance ranks who wouldn’t admired her. 

Your talk was prolonged as you started comparing tactics of First Order and Resistance, you didn’t even think about it, it just happened like those information was imprinted in your mind. You knew all about previous Resistance movements but those of the First Order was a pure surprise for you. General recorded everything and when you listened to it your eyes widened as some of the data would be considered as highly confidential. 

"You see Y/N, there is always a method to recall everything. Your memories are still there," she smiled, keeping your spirits. "I think we both had enough to day, don’t you think?" 

"Yes, I believe it’s high time to end. I need to get proper sleep before tomorrow," you shook your head and got up. "Good night, General." 

"Good night, Y/N. And may the Force be with you," you bowed lightly and left meeting room.

  
***  


"I’m still angry with you Poe!" you shouted as you entered your quarters, throwing jacket on a hook near door. It was suspiciously quiet and dark inside. "Poe? Where are you?"

"Y/N don’t be absurd. I was just teasing you..." he answered coming from the bathroom. "Light doesn’t work. There must have been some kind of flaw. I tried to repair it as you were speaking with General but it’s something bigger. This par t of base has no energy," Poe kept safe distance from you.

"That’s perfect..." you murmured under nose, looking angrily at him. "Just teasing... Amazing how easily you manoeuvred me into this bloody challenge."

"I know where should I press to have expected response from you, love," you could tell he was proudly smiling. 

"My students nearly got heart attack as they saw you in the Hall during my speech. I’m supposed to learn them something and it’s ridiculously hard if they looking at you like in a picture, Poe..." you poured a glass of water and drank it immediately. You were tired mentally and physically and you dreamed about your bed and peaceful sleep. "Anyway, how can I win with you if I hadn’t flied for a long time? It’s impossible and thanks to you I’ll lose respect."

You sighed heavily and slipped by him on your way to the bedroom but Poe wouldn’t be Poe if he didn’t try to make things up to you somehow. He caught your wrists and brought you closer to him.

"I told you I don’t want to speak or do anything with you..." your voice lowered a little bit as you tried to see anything in the darkness.

"Really? And what about our talk in shuttle? You don’t want to check your ribs?" you could sense slight mockery in his tone but you just ignored it.

"Now I don’t, Poe. Not after what you did today," you narrowed eyes as you felt his hands caressing your arms. "You won’t get away with it so easily, Dameron."

"I love the way you say it. Especially when you’re angry," he whispered huskily, brushing few strands of hair out of your face. "Say it again."

"You’re absolutely crossing the line today..." you hung your voice dramatically, keeping him in uncertainty before you ended the sentence, "... Damreon." 

"Just like that, girl..." Poe murmured right next to your ear only to leave soft kiss right behind it, which partially melted your anger but not enough to earn your forgiveness. For that he needed to work a little bit harder. Kiss by kiss your strong will was put to the test and it magnificently failed. "Are you still mad at me?"

"Maybe," you murmured, tilting your head back to give him better access. "You should try a little bit harder."

You were convinced that he had his eyes fixed on you like a predator on their sacrifice but because of surrounding darkness you could not tell. Hands, which were stroking your arms, now gently grabbed your face and then you felt the sweetest and most tender kiss on your lips. You knew he didn’t want to be too violent in his behaviour, so as not to hurt your oversensitive places but you were just as eager for his fondling as he was for yours, so you caught his shirt and pulling him to yourself , you whispered in his mouth, "I said harder, Dameron," then you kissed him passionately breaking all shackles of propriety he was hiding behind. 

He returned your kiss as hard as you did and before you knew it his hands frantically wandering around your body, inventing your most sensitive places, caressing them rapidly and almost possessively. You quickly deprived him of that intolerable shirt, and with unmatched satisfaction you were touching his skin, feeling how under your touch goosebumps appeared on him, following your fingers to his buckle, where without a problem you felt his hardening member. 

Poe quietly groaned when you started massaging him through the material of trousers and involuntarily moved his hips in your direction, inviting to further necking. With a sly smile, you unbuttoned his pants and fell to your knees, then through linen material you started to tease him, drawing the ineffable pleasure of listening to his quiet whining. Agonizingly slow you freed his member from another layer of unnecessary material, and you took it in your hand starting to move from the tip to the shaft, making him even harder. You put his tip in your mouth and began to tease his sensitive tip with tongue, causing a quiet gasps of frustration. You knew he barely stand not to grab you and take you fiercely and at the very thought that you felt that you were getting wet. At the mere mention of him having his way with you, you felt a wave of heat flowing and sense of excitement for the upcoming moment of fulfilment. 

You rested your hands on his hips, then you took his member in your mouth, your tongue stimulating its entire length. You felt one of his hands grabbed you by the hair as he thrust his hips, entering deeper into your mouth. Poe didn’t accelerate or shoved forcefully as if he was purposely putting off moment of his fulfilment. Listening to his quiet moans was a music to your ears. You felt how your wetness soon began to run down your thighs, begging for a proper or any way estuary. You released one hand and unbuttoned your trousers, going down with your hand to bring relieve to your clit, which needed caress. You murmured surprised to your own excitement, which only led Poe closer to his relief, who got out your mouth and rose you on your feet. 

His nimble hands in the blink of an eye deprived you from shirt and when he wanted to get rid of your trousers, his hand met yours, desperately trying to relieve your tension. 

"Baby girl, leave that to me," he took your hand and kissed each finger and then with the pious accuracy Poe licked each of them, making you came by only this sensation. "I love the way you tastes..." you gasped trembling in desire. 

Extricate yourself from your trousers, you pushed him against the wall, kissing his lips, jaw, and neck; you would go even lower if he didn’t gripped you tightly in waist and turned back to himself, drew you closer to his sweated body. His manhood rubbed your clit stimulating and teasing it mercilessly. Poe's arm tightly cover you in the waist, bringing you even closer so you felt his rapid breaths as his chest was touching your back every single time. His second hand was caressing your breasts, squeezing and stroking them and in the last expected moment Poe pinched your nipples, causing small surprised gasp escaped your lips, which he caught with his mouth. You pressed your hips to his, eagerly inviting him to enter you as you throat was filled with desirable moans of your need to be filled with his member.

"Shhhh... You’ll get what you want, my girl..." he murmured in your ear and then bit it lope. After a moment Poe delicately forced you to tilt and thus expose your swelled and dripping clit. Your brown sugar set up himself at your entrance and entered you with laud gasp of pleasure. He froze for a moment to allow you to get used to him and moments after he started to move steadily in and out, each time going in you to the shaft.

One of his hands hold you firmly by the hips as his thrusts began to gain on strength and speed, causing your obscene moans grew even louder and were more often interrupted; for a moment you wondered if any of your neighbours were able to hear it but with every lustful thrust of your future husband you ran away from the real world. 

"If you stop now I’ll kill you tomorrow," you spited out, desperately trying to steady yourself by holding to the door jamb. 

"I have no such intentions, princess," Poe whispered in your ear, massaging your clit, pushing you nearly to the edge of your climax. 

You rested your head on his arm allowing your pilot to place hot and messy kisses along your sensitive neck, leaving his marks on your skin. He was silencing your delicious moans with his lips.

Pleasant shivers that passed across your body, heralded the coming orgasm as the most intense one you had ever experienced. The same was said by Poe’s more violent thrusts, who also began to reach his limit, and his quiet groans, every time he felt how your vagina trembled or squeezed his manhood. Your back clung to his muscled torso, trying to be as close as possible with his body.

"Poe. I’m. So. Near," you cried out to the rhythm of his thrusts, holding Poe’s hand, which was stimulating your clit all this time, driving you crazy. You couldn’t freed from his touch and you secretly loved it. As his fingers were massaging your sensitive areas, you pushed his hand even further. 

"I know baby girl. I can feel that," he blurted, thrusting strong push in you, that led you to the overwhelming orgasm, which would made you fell to the feet if you weren’t holding the doorframe or of Poe hands firmly clenched around your hips.

When the walls of your vagina tightened in orgasm, Poe could not stand much more, and with a loud gasp he came, filling you with his seed. You felt his fingers relaxed and carefully maintaining you, due to your trembling legs.

"That was a flight," you whispered tired and satisfied, feeling pleasant exhaustion. 

"I hope you saw stars," Poe kissed your earlobe with lazy smile, cuddling you from behind.

"Whole galaxies, Poy-boy. Whole galaxies," he picked you up and carefully moved to the bedroom, where naked he covered you and laid down beside you, embracing you. "You are now forgiven..." you murmured sleepily to him, getting more comfortable on his arm. 

"Thank you, my love" Poe kissed your sweaty forehead, being happy that he was the very reason of your exhaustion. "Sleep well princess."  


***

  
You woke up early in the morning, few minutes before sun. For moment you laid in bed listening to Poe’s calm breath. You smiled lightly looking at his messy dark curls and his arms spread throughout the bed, sleeping like an actual five-year-old. It was the most peaceful state of his and you always loved observing him because he would always say something stupidly funny or he was laughing during his dream which was quite remarkable. You kissed his cheek and silently got up.

You turned your first steps to the bathroom to wash up from last night’s intense session. As you were lathering your body, you searched for any particular visible marks of Poe’s but you haven’t seen any until you go to neck, where on it left side you saw purple marks. You sighed heavily, wondering how to hide it because pilot’s uniform didn’t have collar long enough to cover everything up. You left the shower when you heard your commlink from the bedroom, so walked in a towel, grabbed it and go back to the bathroom.

"Hi, Jess. Already up?" you greeted her.

"Come on, today is big day. Are you getting ready?" you looked at the commlink smiling lightly. Of course she would be awake to support you.

"Yes, Poe is still sleeping and I just had to get my suit from warehouse," she laughed and assured everything should be all right. 

"You know get ready quickly so we’ll have time to drink caf. What do you think?," she silenced for a moment and then returned with laugh. "I must say all base is already woken up, Y/N. You’ll have quite an audience."

 _Wonderful_ , you thought with idea of silently murdering Poe for such idea.

"Stop it please... And with love I’ll drink that caf with you. I’ll be ready in ten. Y/N out," you finished conversation and put device on shelf as you dried yourself and then dressed in linen. 

You grabbed your belongings and left bathroom. Poe was still asleep and you decided to wake him when you were leaving. You dressed in lightweight clothing consisting of a thin, dark trousers and shirt. You didn’t want something to poke you under the suit. You solved the hair so it covered the unfortunate neck, then you jumped on the bed to wake Poe.

"Poy-boy, it’s time to wake up, love. I have a bet to win and without you I can’t beat your ass," you whispered sweetly into his ear, laughing silently. He murmured something under his nose and took you in his arms. "Poe I had to go for the suit. Get up and get ready, love." You kissed his forehead to his unhappy grunt as he didn’t want to get up so early in the morning. 

As you left bedroom and walked corridor you noticed scattered clothes on the floor and you smiled brightly. Last night was definitely one of the best nights you both shared. Need to be touched and satisfaction of going up to the stars was unspeakable. You didn’t even think that you missed him so much, how you craved his hands and exploring touch of his, even though he knew your body perfectly.

You closed front door and headed to the warehouse to get proper suit and helmet. Despite your fears it fitted you perfectly and it covered mostly your neck, so with relieved sigh you entered canteen to be welcomed by loud cheer from bunch of pilots.

"Y/N!" you looked around searching for Pava and you noticed her with two cups, sitting next to the entrance. You came up and you sat down beside her. 

"I’m exhausted," with thankful smile you accepted caf and drank small sip. "Poe didn’t want to get up so maybe I’ll win thanks to this..."

"Right... What have you been doing last night that you didn’t want to leave the bed so early?" she asked with wide grin and you just laughed in answer. 

"He was apologising me for his behaviour," you winked and sipped your caf.

"All right, all right I need no more," she bursted into even lauder laughter. "You’ll do just fine, love. Treat it like a training flight not a stupid competition."

"Easy to say, harder to do. I’m so easily manoeuvred I can’t believe it," a wailing moan escaped your throat as you lied on the table.

"Come on," Jess patted your arm. "Remember that last time you challenged him in drinking contest and the next day you both end up throwing..."

"Pava please... I was cleaning my X-Wing for hours until I got rid of the smell but the sex we had that night was the best," you looked at her with rakish smile. 

"Y/N, stop I’m begging you. I immediately regret mentioning that bet," you knew that and your eyes were sparkling with cheeky jest. "You definitely spent too much time with him, darling. Soon you’re going to be like his female version."

"No, Resistance would have a problem then," you finished your caf, trying to hide away from crowded place. "Why all these people are awake? Jess let’s go out."

"Come on you shipwreck," she stood up and dragged you out just in time to bump into Poe, entering canteen.

"You went out so quickly I didn’t have time to say hello properly, love," he tenderly kissed your lips and smiled. "Prepare to lose, Y/N," he whispered so only you could hear that.

"In your dreams, Dameron," you snorted and went out with Jessika, heading landing area. 

X-Wings looked proudly in morning sunrays, inviting to get in and fly to the horizon. You two came closer to Jessika’s ship and checked if everything was all right. It felt strange borrowing X-Wing from your friend; they all were the same yet there were some tiny differences that were making each machine unique without a doubt. 

"... and remember consoles are quite fragile so the lightest move and you can do a barrel without realising it," you nodded, furiously cleaning your helmet, which didn’t escape your friend’s attention. She took away the helmet, putting it aside and grabbed your hands. "Y/N, calm down. Slowly breath in and out, darling."

You followed her instructions with closed eyes. You were nervous, you didn’t want to fool yourself in front of literally everyone. Some of them knew what you had been through but it wasn’t comforting you enough.

"Girl you’re going to rock, yes?" she kissed your forehead and gave you back the helmet. You put it on as you saw approaching Poe.

"Thanks Jess," you send her a kiss and came to your beloved pilot. "May the better win this bet."

"Cooperation?" he looked at you with question in his eyes. He was offering you a deal. "Win-win situation?"

"What do you suggest?"

"A draw and after that we’ll talk about rewards for both of the sides. Will you take it?" his smile was disarming. 

"I think I will. Let’s just fly, like we used to, all right?"

"I can do that," you felt as if great height left your body. You could compete him in your four walls not in front of everyone. 

With satisfied smile you watched as he walked to his X-Wing, carefully observing his ass in that orange suit of his. You climbed up the machine and looked around. There was small crowd but not as big as you feared it would be, for someone sleeping longer is a reason good enough to not see who will win. Sun was getting higher and the Resistance base was slowly waking up. It was one of your favourite moments, that silence and peace before another busy day.

You sat down in cockpit feeling even better than this morning. Being again in machine made you so joyful you already wanted to go without looking at Poe and this stupid bet. Deep down, you were thankful for that horrid idea because it gave you a perfect excuse to fly with him, as you used before. Despite everything and everyone it would be only you two, your machines and endless azure of the skies or arcane blackness of the space. 

"Black Leader do you copy?" you asked, turning engine on listening to its humming.

"Red Falcon I can hear you all clear. Ready to go, princess?" you checked control panel if everything was fine and you gently grabbed joysticks. 

"You have no idea."

You slightly pulled the joystick up to yourself and took off. Jessika was right, the new controls were absolutely fabulous as X-Wing smoothly swing side to side. 

"What are you doing? Trying to lull yourself?" Poe asked, laughing silently.

"You know I haven’t sleep properly last night..."

"Don’t you say, Red Falcon," you saw his Black One on your left, getting ready to start the challenge. "What do you think about showing off for your students? Some nice manoeuvres?"

"I’m fine with that and they’d be delighted," you nodded to him from your cockpit. 

"All right. Control tower this is Black Leader, we’re ready to go, over."

"Black Leader, you’re free to go," the controller didn’t have a chance to finish his dispatch as you with Poe flied over the base heading nearby lake. 

"Let’s show them what does it mean to cooperate," you smiled to yourself. Shortly you’ll begin a training track and it occurred shooting to the small targets and avoiding being detected, things that are perfect to train in pair and to work on partnership. "It’s starting now." 

Red shields came out of green bushes and trees easy to spot even more easy to shoot them down, as it came for experienced pilot. You frowned as you missed one but Poe hit it few seconds after. This time he was a lead and you were a wingman. It often changed during your brathood and it was great chance to practise every single move.

"Red Falcon take left side. We’ll gonna tear it to shreds."

"Yes, sir," you made a lovely barrel over his X-Wing, moving to the left. "On position, ready to go, Black," you announced and heard his quiet laugh. 

You both didn’t need words to communicate simple move of the machine would do. You had worked out your own techniques and strategies in both cases, you or Poe as the lead. With experience you manoeuvred your machine covering Poe’s Black One as he was taking down your opponents. It actually didn’t last long until you destroyed the last of flying enemies. You two simultaneously turned back and headed base, exchanging knowing glances as you prepared yourself for a little showing off with few spectacular manoeuvres as first you flew really low over the base.

"You know General Organa won’t be happy about that."

"I know that but your students need to learn something," you laughed to yourself. You withdraw X-Wing and flew higher to do some barrels. "Don’t do too much or else you’ll end up throwing."

"Come on Poe, do something awesome. My students are watching," you teased him with playful smile. 

The onlookers on the ground watched your air acrobations with both admiration and horror in their eyes. There was no way to say that you couldn’t do miracles with your X-Wing’s but some of them consisted of falling down only to dramatically break up in moments before a catastrophe. Crowd cheered every time your machines conducted extraordinary complicated configuration compiled of dodges, breakneck turnabouts and spectacular escapes or pursuit.

It was the best feeling in your life, being able to sit again in X-Wing cockpit, piloting it and leaving all people in state of amazement. That moment of true admiration was the purest sensation in souls of the observers and you absolutely loved it. Giving that moment of oblivion you could share with everyone.

You gracefully landed your X-Wing and got out as the engine stopped working. Your cheerful mood was painfully visible and it chip in anyone who saw you.

"Pava! Jess, I’m going to kiss you!," you took off your helmet and run toward her. "Those controls are the best, absolutely the best," you grabbed her and kissed her. "Absolutely thrilling, thank you!"

"Y/N, please leave your poor friend and come to me, princess," you released Jess and hastily you run to Poe and jump right into his arms. "You were amazing, Y/N and you finally succeeded in doing the Skywalker Swoop. I’m so proud of you babe." You hooked your legs around his hips.

"I know, I still can’t believe it," you kissed him firecefully. "I love you, my most magnificent pilot. And thank you for that bloody bet, I’m feeling like my life was finally returned to me," Dameron hold you tightly in his arms with the most blissful expression you have ever seen. 

"I’m happy I could have helped," his eyes sparkled with the same happiness as yours but the reason was completely different.

Poe saw you as he remembered you from the early beginning of your relationship, right after your first flight without any argument. Everything went perfectly and your face was exactly the same as now. Beaming with joy and excitement, so eagerly to go for another round.

"What is it, Poe?" you frowned, seeing his teary eyes.

"I’m just... It’s good to see you like that," he kissed you. "I want to remember you just like that." Poe looked into your eyes, seeing his whole world in them. "Now love, we’re going to eat proper breakfast and enjoy the day after such good beginning."

"All right but what was the time? Did we make it, Jess?"

"Yes, you did it. And actually it’s better than yours and Poe’s too. So you both just set new record for the track. Well done. Now go get room, I can’t look at you two," Jessika laughed and went to the barracks.

Poe rapidly bent you over his arm as he marched to your quarters.

"What are you doing? Put me down!" you laughed hysterically watching his back until your eyes caught his bottom. "Or maybe not, I’m enjoying the view."

"I won’t be complaining about mine either, princess," he gave you playful slap to your most surprised gasp.

"Would you mind telling me what are you about to?" 

"We’re going home to celebrate our victory, my love. Enjoy all the views because you’ll see only our bedroom ceiling for next few hours."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter ;)  
> Cheers, my fantastic readers and stay tuned :)

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how often I'll post next chapters due to my university works and projects. (Once a week I hope) and I have other fic to continue so pls don't be mad at me and I hope you'll enjoy this piece.
> 
> If you have any comments please share it with me ;)


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